With sincere sympathy, I open my heart to those affected by the hurricane. It seems a small thing, but I hold You gently in the Light.
My Friend, Darrell, shared this touching poem:
Return To The Most Human...
Unison Benediction
a poem by May Sarton
Return to the most human,
nothing less will nourish the torn spirit,
the bewildered heart,
the angry mind:
and from the ultimate duress,
pierced with the breath of anguish,
speak of love.
Return, return to the deep sources,
nothing less will teach the stiff hands a new way to serve,
to carve into our lives the forms of tenderness
and still that ancient necessary pain preserve.
Return to the most human,
nothing less will teach the angry spirit,
the bewildered heart,
the torn mind,
to accept the whole of its duress,
and pierced with anguish...
at last, act for love.
~ May Sarton ~
August 31, 2005
August 28, 2005
What Breathes Us?
When you touch your bliss, it rings, confirming with the showering of further delight. A song emerges from the core of your being when you touch this sacred space. Unlike any other joy, it is fulfilling and rewarding in an unconditional way. It does not depend on any condition or circumstance to be in place. There is no prerequisite in order for this bliss to shine. It shines just as the stars shine in the blue sky at midday. One who sees with pure eyes can see this light shining at all times, even on a dark, cloudy night. Other forms of happiness are dependent upon various conditions and circumstances, but this bliss is self-existing.
One with pure eyes observes an ordinary ecstasy happening throughout nature at every moment. Pause for a moment and observe this orgasmic celebration. The trees and flowers are singing, the rivers and clouds are dancing, the sun, moon, planets and stars are playing their hearts out, holding nothing back. Why does humankind seem to be so unhappy? TV and news seems to document the same negativity manifest on a smaller scale in our workspace and social encounters. Even celebrations, vacations, and leisure activities seem to be pushed. How rare to find a person standing astounded at the miracle of life flowing in a small insect, a cedar tree, a babbling brook, a solar system, a galaxy. The human hand is a miracle of astounding proportion, and animated by an intelligence of staggering vastness. The play of light upon the human eye is a mystery unfathomable by science. Does science understand the being of fruit fly? It can break down all the components, but it can never infuse this organism with aliveness. It will never figure out that aliveness factor.
We breathe. What breathes us? Rocks breathe, the seabed breathes, oranges and light and cars breathe; the dark night breathes in and out, cosmic dust breathes, even empty space is breathing. All these things are alive and breathing, however subtle. They are expressing energy in some form. I am calling this expression breathing. You can feel this breathing in everything because what you are is this breathing aliveness. And you can feel the ecstasy in this breathing. Life and death are one variation of the in breath and out breath. The ecstasy, the bliss of existence is big, bigger than our small-minded notions of right and wrong, good and bad. These notions are limited by a perspective born out of fixation upon a self-identity. Releasing identification with this self opens up the vast perspective of God, of empty seeing from no reference point whatsoever - a happening that the rational mind simply can not wrap itself around.
The bliss of the whole includes everything in its celebration. Everything. It does not leave out what the mind would consider unacceptable. This celebration is beyond good and bad, right and wrong, happy or sad. This celebration is happening at all times and everywhere and can be realized in a miraculous /ordinary way at any moment. Look and see this celebration happening within and without before thought. Before you have any thought, this celebration is happening. It is utterly independent of thought, rational thought. One can see the actuality of this instantly, or use a variety of meditation techniques to reveal it. This celebration is not trying to remain hidden, miserly hiding the Truth from us. On the contrary it is vividly dancing naked, exposed in the wide open.
This can be approached from another direction, through appreciation – big appreciation or basic appreciation or primordial appreciation. Existence appreciates itself in form. You could say existence loves all of its forms or manifestations. Is it not so that your being in all its vastness, is deeply in love with itself? Are you not in love with all these manifestations of the whole? Is it not the mind that separates and divides that which is inherently whole? God looks upon her creation and sees that it is good. God looks upon all these forms, the 10,000 things and sees that they manifestations of one Being; that they are none other than the one-body, and what God feels is love. Is this not so?
It is as if existence appreciates experiencing itself in a myriad of ways, in billions of ways. It experiences itself in a child dancing around a tree and the collapse of a star in a distant galaxy. It experiences itself in infinite permutations, in infinite worlds in this herenow. It is simultaneously experiencing and appreciating itself with out any experiencer. This appreciation is vast, primordial, and before thought. When the hawk’s talons sink into the dove, there is the primordial ecstasy, the appreciation. When the child emerges from the womb, life emerging out of nothingness, there is deep appreciation, and when the child returns to nothingness after being struck by a car on the highway, before and within the human heartbreak, there is blissful appreciation. When the athlete vaults to his personal record, and when the elderly man falls breaking a brittle hip, there is immeasurable appreciation in and from the isness of existence. Our minds rebel against or applaud these things according to our social conditioning and biological programming, but this does not change the fact that existence loves its creation, manifestation, and expression in all its various aspects. While our human heart breaks at loss, suffering and death, and rejoices at gain, pleasure and birth, existence, God or pure consciousness appreciates all, spontaneously extends love to all processes, to both the healthy newborn and the terminally ill three year old on the oncology ward.
Not just for what we agree with does existence celebrate and appreciate, but for all things and processes - an abundant crop feeding thousands and a typhoon killing thousands. You may have read lines in scripture and sacred texts or in the poems of the mystics, that referred to allowing things to be as they are or to let things be, let it be, leave be, allow, allow it to remain as it is, love it as it is, or accepting “what is” instead of what you think it should look like or how it should be according to your pictures. In this you can see the arrogance of little me: God allows yet the I thinks it must be otherwise; existence accepts and does not interfere with its beloved creation yet the ego wants to change things, to improve upon existence, to make things better according to its agenda.
The whole is loving, open and allowing. It allows, and even allows the ego to make its efforts to improve upon creation. Again, nothing wrong with ego. It makes things more comfortable and secure for human life, its survival and health. It is just that through conditioning we have it in the place of master (we identify with and think we are this ego-structure as if it were a solid, separate self existing entity, which it is not, it is a useful, mechanistic process), instead of in its proper place as servant. Thinking we are this ego-identity, we miss our original face, who we are in the totality of our Being. When we realize our original nature, we see that we can still make our children safe, we can perform research to discover cures to cancer, we can provide relief for typhoon victims, and use the tools of science to cultivate the land and feed ourselves; we can promote health, comfort, security, safety, happiness, entertainment, recreation, whatever, but we move from awakeness, graceful presence, from our godliness, our realization of wholeness, and the wisdom and love of non-reference point. It seems like a small shift but this transformation makes all the difference in the world. You are awake and being awake your are filled with love for Self as it appears in all of its various forms. You can see how this alters everything. Imagine the Arab-Israeli peace process conducted by participants who are awake. Even if they were not very intelligent or intellectual or knowledgeable in the ways of international diplomacy, they would move from the wisdom of non-reference point; wisdom that realizes there is fundamentally no other; that Arab and Jew are just labels, just identities, names for the sacred nameless. They wouldn’t just think this, they would live it; they would live their godliness, realizing the God-Being they are, and seeing it as identical with the God-Being the fellow across the table is.
Talk is cheap. Spiritual terms like Namasté just roll off the tongue or onto the paper, but to embody such a term, to live it and express through our humanity is quite another thing. Adyashanti speaks of a fidelity to Truth. We can never just hover, never just flop and not put forth some effort to express our realization through our humanness, our body, mind and emotions. The day never comes when we can go on autopilot and leave everything to the god within. Quoting a Sufi, Osho said God needs our hands to tether our camel. This human life is a precious opportunity for awakening. Once we taste this awakening and it deepens in us, stabilizes in our humanness, then we take up the mantle of responsibility to express it, to embody it in our day-to-day living as human beings. We discover our freedom and then embody it and express it in everything we do and say. This is celebration. We can relax into this responsibility because it is blissful. May not be pleasurable, comfortable or pleasant all the time, but it will carry that deep, subtle bliss of wakefulness. For some, this is the heart’s deepest desire to embody wakefulness and express it daily in their humanness.
Post by Akilesh
One with pure eyes observes an ordinary ecstasy happening throughout nature at every moment. Pause for a moment and observe this orgasmic celebration. The trees and flowers are singing, the rivers and clouds are dancing, the sun, moon, planets and stars are playing their hearts out, holding nothing back. Why does humankind seem to be so unhappy? TV and news seems to document the same negativity manifest on a smaller scale in our workspace and social encounters. Even celebrations, vacations, and leisure activities seem to be pushed. How rare to find a person standing astounded at the miracle of life flowing in a small insect, a cedar tree, a babbling brook, a solar system, a galaxy. The human hand is a miracle of astounding proportion, and animated by an intelligence of staggering vastness. The play of light upon the human eye is a mystery unfathomable by science. Does science understand the being of fruit fly? It can break down all the components, but it can never infuse this organism with aliveness. It will never figure out that aliveness factor.
We breathe. What breathes us? Rocks breathe, the seabed breathes, oranges and light and cars breathe; the dark night breathes in and out, cosmic dust breathes, even empty space is breathing. All these things are alive and breathing, however subtle. They are expressing energy in some form. I am calling this expression breathing. You can feel this breathing in everything because what you are is this breathing aliveness. And you can feel the ecstasy in this breathing. Life and death are one variation of the in breath and out breath. The ecstasy, the bliss of existence is big, bigger than our small-minded notions of right and wrong, good and bad. These notions are limited by a perspective born out of fixation upon a self-identity. Releasing identification with this self opens up the vast perspective of God, of empty seeing from no reference point whatsoever - a happening that the rational mind simply can not wrap itself around.
The bliss of the whole includes everything in its celebration. Everything. It does not leave out what the mind would consider unacceptable. This celebration is beyond good and bad, right and wrong, happy or sad. This celebration is happening at all times and everywhere and can be realized in a miraculous /ordinary way at any moment. Look and see this celebration happening within and without before thought. Before you have any thought, this celebration is happening. It is utterly independent of thought, rational thought. One can see the actuality of this instantly, or use a variety of meditation techniques to reveal it. This celebration is not trying to remain hidden, miserly hiding the Truth from us. On the contrary it is vividly dancing naked, exposed in the wide open.
This can be approached from another direction, through appreciation – big appreciation or basic appreciation or primordial appreciation. Existence appreciates itself in form. You could say existence loves all of its forms or manifestations. Is it not so that your being in all its vastness, is deeply in love with itself? Are you not in love with all these manifestations of the whole? Is it not the mind that separates and divides that which is inherently whole? God looks upon her creation and sees that it is good. God looks upon all these forms, the 10,000 things and sees that they manifestations of one Being; that they are none other than the one-body, and what God feels is love. Is this not so?
It is as if existence appreciates experiencing itself in a myriad of ways, in billions of ways. It experiences itself in a child dancing around a tree and the collapse of a star in a distant galaxy. It experiences itself in infinite permutations, in infinite worlds in this herenow. It is simultaneously experiencing and appreciating itself with out any experiencer. This appreciation is vast, primordial, and before thought. When the hawk’s talons sink into the dove, there is the primordial ecstasy, the appreciation. When the child emerges from the womb, life emerging out of nothingness, there is deep appreciation, and when the child returns to nothingness after being struck by a car on the highway, before and within the human heartbreak, there is blissful appreciation. When the athlete vaults to his personal record, and when the elderly man falls breaking a brittle hip, there is immeasurable appreciation in and from the isness of existence. Our minds rebel against or applaud these things according to our social conditioning and biological programming, but this does not change the fact that existence loves its creation, manifestation, and expression in all its various aspects. While our human heart breaks at loss, suffering and death, and rejoices at gain, pleasure and birth, existence, God or pure consciousness appreciates all, spontaneously extends love to all processes, to both the healthy newborn and the terminally ill three year old on the oncology ward.
Not just for what we agree with does existence celebrate and appreciate, but for all things and processes - an abundant crop feeding thousands and a typhoon killing thousands. You may have read lines in scripture and sacred texts or in the poems of the mystics, that referred to allowing things to be as they are or to let things be, let it be, leave be, allow, allow it to remain as it is, love it as it is, or accepting “what is” instead of what you think it should look like or how it should be according to your pictures. In this you can see the arrogance of little me: God allows yet the I thinks it must be otherwise; existence accepts and does not interfere with its beloved creation yet the ego wants to change things, to improve upon existence, to make things better according to its agenda.
The whole is loving, open and allowing. It allows, and even allows the ego to make its efforts to improve upon creation. Again, nothing wrong with ego. It makes things more comfortable and secure for human life, its survival and health. It is just that through conditioning we have it in the place of master (we identify with and think we are this ego-structure as if it were a solid, separate self existing entity, which it is not, it is a useful, mechanistic process), instead of in its proper place as servant. Thinking we are this ego-identity, we miss our original face, who we are in the totality of our Being. When we realize our original nature, we see that we can still make our children safe, we can perform research to discover cures to cancer, we can provide relief for typhoon victims, and use the tools of science to cultivate the land and feed ourselves; we can promote health, comfort, security, safety, happiness, entertainment, recreation, whatever, but we move from awakeness, graceful presence, from our godliness, our realization of wholeness, and the wisdom and love of non-reference point. It seems like a small shift but this transformation makes all the difference in the world. You are awake and being awake your are filled with love for Self as it appears in all of its various forms. You can see how this alters everything. Imagine the Arab-Israeli peace process conducted by participants who are awake. Even if they were not very intelligent or intellectual or knowledgeable in the ways of international diplomacy, they would move from the wisdom of non-reference point; wisdom that realizes there is fundamentally no other; that Arab and Jew are just labels, just identities, names for the sacred nameless. They wouldn’t just think this, they would live it; they would live their godliness, realizing the God-Being they are, and seeing it as identical with the God-Being the fellow across the table is.
Talk is cheap. Spiritual terms like Namasté just roll off the tongue or onto the paper, but to embody such a term, to live it and express through our humanity is quite another thing. Adyashanti speaks of a fidelity to Truth. We can never just hover, never just flop and not put forth some effort to express our realization through our humanness, our body, mind and emotions. The day never comes when we can go on autopilot and leave everything to the god within. Quoting a Sufi, Osho said God needs our hands to tether our camel. This human life is a precious opportunity for awakening. Once we taste this awakening and it deepens in us, stabilizes in our humanness, then we take up the mantle of responsibility to express it, to embody it in our day-to-day living as human beings. We discover our freedom and then embody it and express it in everything we do and say. This is celebration. We can relax into this responsibility because it is blissful. May not be pleasurable, comfortable or pleasant all the time, but it will carry that deep, subtle bliss of wakefulness. For some, this is the heart’s deepest desire to embody wakefulness and express it daily in their humanness.
Post by Akilesh
August 24, 2005
Fears
One of the challenges of the spiritual journey seems to be that of facing fears, of looking squarely into the unknown. Sitting in the safe pew of the grandfather, and superficially accepting religion without questioning leaves an inquiring mind and heart spiritually hungry. Yet to venture out to the area of the unknown, into deeper waters is like taking that first ride on two thin wheels of the bicycle – it makes us tremble a bit. But really - where is there to fall? Would the waves of the spiritual sea truly overtake us? Could we actually make a mistake here from which there would be no return? What fears dominate or censor our exploration, and cause us to desperately cling to an imagined safe and secure life ring?
I'm reminded of an experience of flying in a very small plane, and feeling very uneasy in the turbulence and rattling noise of the small engine. Fear kept coming over me, while I gripped, white knuckled, to the seat in front of me. And then, in a lucid moment laced with fatalistic humor, I realized that clinging to anything on that plane would be futile in a real emergency. There was nothing solid to hold on to. Finally, I just let my grip go, and relaxed back into the seat, and for the first time, noticed the amazing view. Aptly, it was the Grand Canyon!
Experience tells me that we are all gifted with a natural ability to swim in these spiritual waters, to let go into the majesty, and breathe deeply the same wondrous divinity that inspired Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, and so many others.
I'm reminded of an experience of flying in a very small plane, and feeling very uneasy in the turbulence and rattling noise of the small engine. Fear kept coming over me, while I gripped, white knuckled, to the seat in front of me. And then, in a lucid moment laced with fatalistic humor, I realized that clinging to anything on that plane would be futile in a real emergency. There was nothing solid to hold on to. Finally, I just let my grip go, and relaxed back into the seat, and for the first time, noticed the amazing view. Aptly, it was the Grand Canyon!
Experience tells me that we are all gifted with a natural ability to swim in these spiritual waters, to let go into the majesty, and breathe deeply the same wondrous divinity that inspired Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, and so many others.
August 22, 2005
Step out
Every night, just before going to bed, I have a little routine of quietly stepping outside into the darkness. I wonder if you do this, too. There is something so magical in the night – there are particular sounds and fragrances and shadows on the ground. The fullness of the night sky is so amazing, as it goes on and on into other worlds. The nighttime beckons us to let go, let it be. My heart overflows with the presence I feel. Just as I begin the day with the light of the sunrise, it is so complete to end the day honoring the darkness. In this quiet moment, I feel so much gratitude, so much trust, and so much love.
So step out tonight, and I will meet you there.
So step out tonight, and I will meet you there.
August 19, 2005
Reminders
You are on my mind tonight. I feel the sensation of presence ubiquitously. Maybe it is because the evening sun was glittering on the river this late afternoon. Maybe because the fragrance of autumn fills the night air. Maybe it is the powerful fullness of the moon. Actually there are these sort of tickling reminders everywhere... but the most potent reminder was found in the timid eyes of strangers looking up and making contact; intimate, brief, interior glances, each one a homecoming to the immediacy of Presence.
Why do we forget who we are? Why do we need reminders along the way?
Why do we forget who we are? Why do we need reminders along the way?
August 16, 2005
The Face of the Friend
This morning, as has been true so many mornings, I watched the sun come up over the eastern skyline. The sun makes this remarkable yet ordinary journey each day, with exquisite penetrating energy. In the early dawn I let this light seep into me as I stand there in quiet reflection. This single moment in this herenow is all that matters – and it is a truly perfect moment. Where does this perfection come from? From where does this warmth radiate? My whole insides smile as I drop gently and effortlessly into the question, and become the answer.
Every evening this week just as we are finishing our dinner on the porch, we have noticed a doe amble by on a path she had made near our fence line. Following are her twin fawns, so endearing with their prancing steps and delicate young markings. The rhythm of their routine is comforting yet fresh; we never tire of noticing her near the field. As we observe her, the doe, alert and ever watchful, undoubtedly notices us. We are part of her routine, too. I love the circularity of this – the shared routine, the shared noticing. We are gathered in this cycle; there is so much perfection in this occurrence, so much blissful appreciation. Akilesh wrote, “Existence loves its creation, manifestation, and expression in all its various aspects.” How can it not? It is all so lovely – and I am struck over and over again with deep gratitude. Akilesh continued, “You are awake and being awake you are are filled with love for Self as it appears in all of its various forms.” Yes.
All outer things are reminders of Being itself; wherever you look is the face of the Friend. Eventually this process always becomes circular – Presence welling up inside us and moving outward, the outer world being consciously recognized and returned back to its source through our awareness. We live for spirit and spirit sustains us. And in that circle, encircled by our presence, is love. So very pure. Amazing love. Truly magical.
Every evening this week just as we are finishing our dinner on the porch, we have noticed a doe amble by on a path she had made near our fence line. Following are her twin fawns, so endearing with their prancing steps and delicate young markings. The rhythm of their routine is comforting yet fresh; we never tire of noticing her near the field. As we observe her, the doe, alert and ever watchful, undoubtedly notices us. We are part of her routine, too. I love the circularity of this – the shared routine, the shared noticing. We are gathered in this cycle; there is so much perfection in this occurrence, so much blissful appreciation. Akilesh wrote, “Existence loves its creation, manifestation, and expression in all its various aspects.” How can it not? It is all so lovely – and I am struck over and over again with deep gratitude. Akilesh continued, “You are awake and being awake you are are filled with love for Self as it appears in all of its various forms.” Yes.
All outer things are reminders of Being itself; wherever you look is the face of the Friend. Eventually this process always becomes circular – Presence welling up inside us and moving outward, the outer world being consciously recognized and returned back to its source through our awareness. We live for spirit and spirit sustains us. And in that circle, encircled by our presence, is love. So very pure. Amazing love. Truly magical.
August 10, 2005
Lost
Stand still.
The trees ahead and the bushes beside you
are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
and you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
you are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
where you are. You must let it find you.
David Wagoner, Who Shall Be The Sun?
Indiana University Press 1978
The trees ahead and the bushes beside you
are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
and you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
you are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
where you are. You must let it find you.
David Wagoner, Who Shall Be The Sun?
Indiana University Press 1978
August 7, 2005
Divine Web
Dusk. The days go by like this. Filled with the wonder of changing light. Darkness falls, there is a moon or not, a sliver or full. Dawn comes – the nubs on the bare branches nose their way into fists and then the leaf fingers open. Shade spreads like a slow liquid across the terrace, each week a little wider, as light softened by emerging leaves as it strengthens with the gathering of spring toward summer. The steady flow of days does not divide itself except by light. And in adhering to its course, cleaving to its current, some old fracture in me heals up like a bone given rest. Some old split between desire and action, between idea and emotion, between spark and dream, between ardor and immediacy – between body and soul, dissolves. Out of time I am carried into wind and weather, into the drift of unbroken enduring affection among all things, a communion in which body is no longer an object I inhabit, but a vehicle of presence that sustains the experience of all other bodies in their joining – tree to earth to sky to bird to seed to shadow in an endless continuity. Then I know why I am here. Then I behold the great belonging in which all things are made one. All things are at home in themselves within the whole. Body and soul are then a singular participation in the divine web of Spirit made flesh.
Elizabeth Carothers Herron
Parabola
Fall, 2005
Elizabeth Carothers Herron
Parabola
Fall, 2005
August 3, 2005
Spreading Your Wings
My spiritual friend said the following is what the ocean says to the river when the river falls into the ocean. It is from a story by Chuang Tzu where the Spirit of the Ocean is speaking to the Spirit of the River:
"You cannot speak of the ocean to a well frog, the creature of a narrower sphere. You cannot speak of ice to a summer insect, the creature of a season. You cannot speak of Tao to a pedagogue, his scope is too limited. But now that you have emerged from your narrow sphere and seen the great ocean, you know your own insignificance and I can speak to you of great principles."
Post by Akilesh
"You cannot speak of the ocean to a well frog, the creature of a narrower sphere. You cannot speak of ice to a summer insect, the creature of a season. You cannot speak of Tao to a pedagogue, his scope is too limited. But now that you have emerged from your narrow sphere and seen the great ocean, you know your own insignificance and I can speak to you of great principles."
Post by Akilesh
August 1, 2005
The Silent Sky
We meet in the open sky
of not-two, not-one;
in this stillness,
unknowing.
Dissolving the web of identification,
thoughts and feelings no longer
bind us.
You are like a jewel
in an infinite, interconnected net of jewels,
each reflecting the Whole.
With a warmth, a mystery of love
that shines in the eternal now,
you recognize my original face -
"There is nothing at all there" -
in your own.
In humility and respect you refrain
from desecrating the purity of this shrine
with description.
You utter words of magic,
the inconceivable,
uncontainable "Open, Open,"
and leap naked
into nothingness.
This no-thing-ness
is without any trace of openness.
only just this,
the silent sky.
Akilesh
of not-two, not-one;
in this stillness,
unknowing.
Dissolving the web of identification,
thoughts and feelings no longer
bind us.
You are like a jewel
in an infinite, interconnected net of jewels,
each reflecting the Whole.
With a warmth, a mystery of love
that shines in the eternal now,
you recognize my original face -
"There is nothing at all there" -
in your own.
In humility and respect you refrain
from desecrating the purity of this shrine
with description.
You utter words of magic,
the inconceivable,
uncontainable "Open, Open,"
and leap naked
into nothingness.
This no-thing-ness
is without any trace of openness.
only just this,
the silent sky.
Akilesh
July 29, 2005
Gift
You've no idea how hard I've looked
for a gift to bring You.
Nothing seemed right.
What's the point of bringing gold
to the gold mine, or water to the Ocean.
Everything I came up with
was like taking spices to the Orient.
It's no good giving my heart and my soul
because you already have these.
So- I've brought you a mirror.
Look at yourself and remember me.
- Jalaluddin Rumi
for a gift to bring You.
Nothing seemed right.
What's the point of bringing gold
to the gold mine, or water to the Ocean.
Everything I came up with
was like taking spices to the Orient.
It's no good giving my heart and my soul
because you already have these.
So- I've brought you a mirror.
Look at yourself and remember me.
- Jalaluddin Rumi
July 26, 2005
True Love
When you realize your own inherent freedom, you realize there is no other. This is Being meeting Itself. Love is present in this meeting. People want to find true love. First realize your freedom, where there is no other and Being is meeting Itself, eternally in communion with itself, appreciating itself in all its diverse forms. True love blossoms with this realization. When this love emerges in the world, it makes every effort to encourage freedom, to encourage you to realize your original nature.
Post by Akilesh
Post by Akilesh
July 19, 2005
Musings from the porch
Yesterday, the day began so warm, the heat already palpable. The bright sun illuminated the dust on my dresser and the silvery filaments of spider webs, spiraling midair, mirroring qualities of my inner housekeeping. Now, it’s deep into the night, the air is fresh and cool, and above there are a million stars. The moon is a few days from being full. I love summer nights. My heart feels the immediacy of mystery on these bright summer nights; sitting quietly on my porch I offer hospitality to the unknowing. Dust and webs aside, graciously I invite, “Forgive the mess, and linger awhile.”
Existence has its own way, smiling at innocents who think they have control. In this moment, the only moment, I have no control. I don’t need any. In an inner dialogue, I whisper, “I have you Beloved, truly all I need.” My trust in this runs deep. The next breath will come, and so will the one after that. The one that does not come will leave me in total peace with silence.
The sky expands. In darkness I see there are more than a million stars – there are millions upon millions. Sitting here, I am so small – a tiny particle of dust in the grandeur of the universe. I am a silvery, shimmering, smiling, crying particle of dust, reflecting a miniscule facet of glory – absolutely right in size and shape for the reason I exist.
What is this experience of “I,” of this person I call myself, Meredith? This has been a source of wonder from the earliest recognition of self awareness in childhood. Perhaps it is the greatest variable in my nature. The character and quality of “I” is sometimes a feeling of alienation, at other times of communion with life. I move on a continuum of self-deprecation to profound self worth. At times this feeling of “I” has been a prison bounded in captivity by habitual thoughts and feelings – circling, tapes that wind, rewind and run again. At other times, emancipated, this “I” is my own hidden treasure. This “I” is an eye, through which God sees.
In the deepest shadows of night, when there was no moon, no stars, and the unfriendly air was chilly and everything was dirty and disgusting – in that dark night was there a god to see? For a time I doubted…and then the cleaning began. Some unseen hand within began the polishing in the seat of my soul. As Rumi says,
An unsuspecting child first wipes the tablet
and then writes the letters on it.
God turns the heart into blood and desperate tears;
then writes the spiritual mysteries on it.
Internal resources seek light. After the tears, I seemed to find resolve to move and flutter, scratch and tear a hole in the papery screen covering this darkest room. Reality teaches by means of opposites and contrasts, wrath and mercy. With wet wings and compassion I saw the sun rise for the first time. The imperfection of the world is what gives birth to the sunrise, to the reality of love – an unconditional love that loves even this imperfection.
Imperfectly and hesitantly I have been riding into the unknown. Traversing has been tumultuous – like riding an unruly horse I have hung on, grasping at a wispy mane with my fists and a moving torso with the length of my legs, clinging to an uncertain security. Getting bucked off is sudden, painful, humiliating to my ego. This falling has happened over and over again; learning to ride the undulations of existence is at times painful and frightening. Trembling is a part of being human. Rumi says,
Look at yourself, trembling
afraid of non-existence:
know that non-existence is also afraid
that God might bring it into existence.
If you grasp at worldly dignities,
it’s from fear, too.
Everything, except love of the Most Beautiful,
is really agony. Its agony
to move towards death and not drink the water of life.
One day I know I will let go – let go of fear, of trembling, of resistance. Perhaps that day is soon. Though the horse is appealing – strong, beautiful, compelling, the horse is an illusion. Finally it will dissolve as fantasies do. I feel and note the particles, like dust on my dresser, fragments of the illusion falling away, resting, glistening in the new day's morning sun, smiling at me. I feel the intimacy of love, unconditioned immanent love, warming me in this light. This love, without control, without fear, without knowing, wraps me softly in her very own light.
Existence has its own way, smiling at innocents who think they have control. In this moment, the only moment, I have no control. I don’t need any. In an inner dialogue, I whisper, “I have you Beloved, truly all I need.” My trust in this runs deep. The next breath will come, and so will the one after that. The one that does not come will leave me in total peace with silence.
The sky expands. In darkness I see there are more than a million stars – there are millions upon millions. Sitting here, I am so small – a tiny particle of dust in the grandeur of the universe. I am a silvery, shimmering, smiling, crying particle of dust, reflecting a miniscule facet of glory – absolutely right in size and shape for the reason I exist.
What is this experience of “I,” of this person I call myself, Meredith? This has been a source of wonder from the earliest recognition of self awareness in childhood. Perhaps it is the greatest variable in my nature. The character and quality of “I” is sometimes a feeling of alienation, at other times of communion with life. I move on a continuum of self-deprecation to profound self worth. At times this feeling of “I” has been a prison bounded in captivity by habitual thoughts and feelings – circling, tapes that wind, rewind and run again. At other times, emancipated, this “I” is my own hidden treasure. This “I” is an eye, through which God sees.
In the deepest shadows of night, when there was no moon, no stars, and the unfriendly air was chilly and everything was dirty and disgusting – in that dark night was there a god to see? For a time I doubted…and then the cleaning began. Some unseen hand within began the polishing in the seat of my soul. As Rumi says,
An unsuspecting child first wipes the tablet
and then writes the letters on it.
God turns the heart into blood and desperate tears;
then writes the spiritual mysteries on it.
Internal resources seek light. After the tears, I seemed to find resolve to move and flutter, scratch and tear a hole in the papery screen covering this darkest room. Reality teaches by means of opposites and contrasts, wrath and mercy. With wet wings and compassion I saw the sun rise for the first time. The imperfection of the world is what gives birth to the sunrise, to the reality of love – an unconditional love that loves even this imperfection.
Imperfectly and hesitantly I have been riding into the unknown. Traversing has been tumultuous – like riding an unruly horse I have hung on, grasping at a wispy mane with my fists and a moving torso with the length of my legs, clinging to an uncertain security. Getting bucked off is sudden, painful, humiliating to my ego. This falling has happened over and over again; learning to ride the undulations of existence is at times painful and frightening. Trembling is a part of being human. Rumi says,
Look at yourself, trembling
afraid of non-existence:
know that non-existence is also afraid
that God might bring it into existence.
If you grasp at worldly dignities,
it’s from fear, too.
Everything, except love of the Most Beautiful,
is really agony. Its agony
to move towards death and not drink the water of life.
One day I know I will let go – let go of fear, of trembling, of resistance. Perhaps that day is soon. Though the horse is appealing – strong, beautiful, compelling, the horse is an illusion. Finally it will dissolve as fantasies do. I feel and note the particles, like dust on my dresser, fragments of the illusion falling away, resting, glistening in the new day's morning sun, smiling at me. I feel the intimacy of love, unconditioned immanent love, warming me in this light. This love, without control, without fear, without knowing, wraps me softly in her very own light.
July 16, 2005
Memory
One summer I was on a wilderness backpack trip in Eastern Oregon with a companion. It was incredibly beautiful county, though I didn't really take it all in because the hiking alone took my most of my focus. We were two days into a five day trip when, midmorning, on a steep and endless craggy slope, my energy just ran out. The weather was hot, and the trail was grueling . I didn't have the stamina to go any further. My friend was so strong; with boundless energy he was seemingly unaffected by the altitude or temperature. He urged me to keep going, he poked and prodded me, made fun of me, offered to take part of my load, and finally went on ahead because he was tired of me and tired of being slowed by my pace.
I couldn't believe he would abandoned me like that - I was suddenly and overwhelmingly afraid. Alone, and free of being observed, I dropped by the side of the trail, held my head in my hands, and wept. I cried because I was worn out. I cried because I was humiliated; I felt weak and ignoble. I cried from fear. I cried because I was furious, with raging anger at my friend and hating myself. In the end, I didn't even know why I was crying anymore. I felt pathetic, pitiful, dirty and disgusting, sitting there by myself, crying my eyes out.
Finally the tears subsided, there were no more left to cry. Exhausted, spent in every way, I finally felt myself relax. Time stood still. Eventually, something within me urged me to get up and get going again. I took a drink of water, had a bite of a power bar, retied my boots, and put on my heavy pack.
Alone on the trail now, my pace was my own, I was not being pushed or pulled by another. The lack of a companion was freeing in a way. I hiked many miles in isolation that day, pushing myself at times, and resting when I needed to. I started singing, remembering old songs, and making up new ones. In this solitude, I needed to prove nothing; my ego was unnecessary. All the angry energy, the humiliation, the fear and exhaustion just dissolved.
Slowly, from a spacious reserve within me, I found the strength and motivation I needed. I began to know and trust myself in a new way, though my focus on self diminished. I became very quiet, my interior chatter stilling. In this quietude, the only sound on the trail was from my own footsteps. Soon, even that dissolved, and all I could hear was silence – the great awesome silence of the wilderness. Like daybreak, an awareness of the surrounding beauty gradually expanded, filling me with a sense of utter peace unlike any I had ever known.
I couldn't believe he would abandoned me like that - I was suddenly and overwhelmingly afraid. Alone, and free of being observed, I dropped by the side of the trail, held my head in my hands, and wept. I cried because I was worn out. I cried because I was humiliated; I felt weak and ignoble. I cried from fear. I cried because I was furious, with raging anger at my friend and hating myself. In the end, I didn't even know why I was crying anymore. I felt pathetic, pitiful, dirty and disgusting, sitting there by myself, crying my eyes out.
Finally the tears subsided, there were no more left to cry. Exhausted, spent in every way, I finally felt myself relax. Time stood still. Eventually, something within me urged me to get up and get going again. I took a drink of water, had a bite of a power bar, retied my boots, and put on my heavy pack.
Alone on the trail now, my pace was my own, I was not being pushed or pulled by another. The lack of a companion was freeing in a way. I hiked many miles in isolation that day, pushing myself at times, and resting when I needed to. I started singing, remembering old songs, and making up new ones. In this solitude, I needed to prove nothing; my ego was unnecessary. All the angry energy, the humiliation, the fear and exhaustion just dissolved.
Slowly, from a spacious reserve within me, I found the strength and motivation I needed. I began to know and trust myself in a new way, though my focus on self diminished. I became very quiet, my interior chatter stilling. In this quietude, the only sound on the trail was from my own footsteps. Soon, even that dissolved, and all I could hear was silence – the great awesome silence of the wilderness. Like daybreak, an awareness of the surrounding beauty gradually expanded, filling me with a sense of utter peace unlike any I had ever known.
July 15, 2005
Light Rising
Silent, iridescent gold
Light rising in the east.
Silent, silvery mist
Light rising in the hills.
Silent, verdant, feathery greens
Light rising from new growth
in the trees.
My Beloved joins me at the window this dawn
Silent, together we view this splendor
Our vision radiates further than ever before
Outward and inward spirals
Light rising in our hearts.
We are not-two, my Beloved and I
Both viewer and view, not two
Silent light from the sun, from the hills
from the trees, from our hearts -
Not separate light, but one.
One silent lovelight, rising.
Light rising in the east.
Silent, silvery mist
Light rising in the hills.
Silent, verdant, feathery greens
Light rising from new growth
in the trees.
My Beloved joins me at the window this dawn
Silent, together we view this splendor
Our vision radiates further than ever before
Outward and inward spirals
Light rising in our hearts.
We are not-two, my Beloved and I
Both viewer and view, not two
Silent light from the sun, from the hills
from the trees, from our hearts -
Not separate light, but one.
One silent lovelight, rising.
July 11, 2005
The Sacrament of the Present Moment
For centuries, people seeking greater realization of love have first sought immediate, wakeful presence as the practical foundation of their purpose. Standing awake in the here and now, consecrating their desire in the sacrament of the present moment, they have claimed their yearning for love.
Awakening from his dream, Jacob said, “Surely the Lord is in this place and I did not know it.” “Take no thought of the morrow,” said Jesus, “Stay awake, praying constantly.” Jesus said this in the context of seeking God first, before all other concerns.
St. Augustine: “Too late I have loved Thee, O thou Beauty of ancient days, yet never knew! Too late I loved Thee! And behold, You were within, and I apart.”
Brother Lawrence: “…we need only to know God intimately present in us, to address ourselves to God at every moment.” We seek the present moment in order to “practice the presence of God.”
Jean-Pierre de Caussade: “...the sacrament of the present moment.” This sacrament manifests God’s will: “an immense ocean which the heart only fathoms In so far as it overflows with faith, trust, and love.” “There are no moments which are not filled with God’s infinite holiness so that there are none we should not honor.”
Thomas Kelly: “…the eternal now.” “Continually renewed immediacy, not receding memory of the Divine Touch, lies at the base of religious living.” Kelly said that this is the avenue toward world justice: “Social concern is the dynamic Life of God at work in the world, made special and emphatic and unique, particularized in each individual and group who is sensitive and tender in the leading-strings of love.”
Thich Nhat Hanh: “…the miracle of mindfulness.” “…present moment wonderful moment.” This mindfulness of the present moment is in the service of “being peace.”
***
When I read these great quotes, and I feel for immediate awareness in the "present wonderful moment", it feels like a homecoming. This present moment is pure and perfect, right here, right now, with you.
Awakening from his dream, Jacob said, “Surely the Lord is in this place and I did not know it.” “Take no thought of the morrow,” said Jesus, “Stay awake, praying constantly.” Jesus said this in the context of seeking God first, before all other concerns.
St. Augustine: “Too late I have loved Thee, O thou Beauty of ancient days, yet never knew! Too late I loved Thee! And behold, You were within, and I apart.”
Brother Lawrence: “…we need only to know God intimately present in us, to address ourselves to God at every moment.” We seek the present moment in order to “practice the presence of God.”
Jean-Pierre de Caussade: “...the sacrament of the present moment.” This sacrament manifests God’s will: “an immense ocean which the heart only fathoms In so far as it overflows with faith, trust, and love.” “There are no moments which are not filled with God’s infinite holiness so that there are none we should not honor.”
Thomas Kelly: “…the eternal now.” “Continually renewed immediacy, not receding memory of the Divine Touch, lies at the base of religious living.” Kelly said that this is the avenue toward world justice: “Social concern is the dynamic Life of God at work in the world, made special and emphatic and unique, particularized in each individual and group who is sensitive and tender in the leading-strings of love.”
Thich Nhat Hanh: “…the miracle of mindfulness.” “…present moment wonderful moment.” This mindfulness of the present moment is in the service of “being peace.”
***
When I read these great quotes, and I feel for immediate awareness in the "present wonderful moment", it feels like a homecoming. This present moment is pure and perfect, right here, right now, with you.
June 30, 2005
Questions
What draws me?
Who calls me?
What is my deepest desire?
What/Who is stirring my spirit and making me feel most alive?
***
Listen for your heart to respond. Seeking authentic desire in the heart is not like trying to grasp and examine some objective thing. Feel instead for a gentle immersion of yourself in your very real, immediate being.
Thomas Merton said, "Love is not a problem, not an answer to a question. Love knows no question. It is the ground of all, and questions arise only insofar as we are divided, absent, estranged, alienated from that ground."
Who calls me?
What is my deepest desire?
What/Who is stirring my spirit and making me feel most alive?
***
Listen for your heart to respond. Seeking authentic desire in the heart is not like trying to grasp and examine some objective thing. Feel instead for a gentle immersion of yourself in your very real, immediate being.
Thomas Merton said, "Love is not a problem, not an answer to a question. Love knows no question. It is the ground of all, and questions arise only insofar as we are divided, absent, estranged, alienated from that ground."
June 27, 2005
June 22, 2005
Deeper Communion
Here and there does not matter.
We must be still and still moving
into another intensity
for a further union,
a deeper communion.
T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets
We must be still and still moving
into another intensity
for a further union,
a deeper communion.
T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets
June 15, 2005
Spiritual Freedom
Over the course of what seems a brief life on this blessed earth we experience moments of freedom, moments of genuine bliss. Not conditioned or conditional, these moments do not seem to be caused by anything in particular. They do not seem dependent on or requiring any particular condition or circumstance. They seemed to come out of the blue. I love that expression "out of the blue." Out of blue sky, out of the vast beyond, the great wide open. When we were children we had many such moments. Serendipitous moments of pure joy, a joy that came from within. Perhaps running on a grassy hill in the morning sunlight, hearing the song of birds; feeling a cold wind on our face or freezing air in our nostrils; seeing those tiny golden flecks glittering in the sand at river's edge, reflecting the gold of the sun; the soft moving branches of a willow in a summer's breeze; the tone of a lover's voice -- so many things, endless sources of nature's overflowing bliss, all around us, all the time. These moments are available if we just tune our eyes to see and our ears to hear. These serendipitous moments of freedom reflect a vast freedom that abides in the background rather than a situation where we have brief snatches of freedom inside an overall life of imprisonment. As we grow older much of our natural openness gets covered over with preoccupations of all kinds, and we lose touch with our freedom. Freedom is our birthright. Freedom is synonymous with authentic presence. They are one and the same. The mind divides. The totality of your being is undivided, whole. It is freedom to realize this wholeness. Freedom in this sense is not a noun. It is in energetic verb, more like freedomness or freedoming.
About love, divine love, whole love: Freedom, in a way, is higher than love. Love gives way to freedom. Love realizes the ascendancy of freedom. Love realizes the peak that freedom is. When you realize your original face, that authentic presence that flows from the vastness of your inner space in one continuous stream to the vastness of your outer space; when you realize the wholeness and aloneness of this space; when you realize the sheer bliss of this undivided consciousness -- you realize freedom. You realize you are already free. You realize that freedom is inherent in your very being. Without fixation on ego, without identification with a separate self, without the projection of time, without past or future, what are you? Realizing this luminous emptiness of your original face, you realize you are free; you realize you cannot be confined by anything. You are freedom itself, your consciousness is inherently free and unbounded.
Or we can look at it from the other direction. What is it that binds you, imprisons you, restricts, restrains, limits, confines and defines? You are gradually becoming very, very clear about what imprisons you; that which creates your prison walls; that which keeps you from your treasure house within, keeps you from your heart's deepest desire, keeps you separate, alienated, suffering. Ego fixation, with its want and fear, its preoccupation with thinking, the mind identified self with its allegiance to time, takes you out of the now, has you live an inauthentic, neurotic, stale life of suffering. Our deep allegiance to this ego structure keeps us from the freedom of our original nature. We know it is possible to return to the freshness and freedom of our true nature. Slowly, slowly we draw distinctions which help us differentiate the real from the unreal.
Freedom is synonymous with realization. Since we are already free, when we realize our true nature, we realize complete freedom. This is why meditative awareness is so crucial; why a combination of meditative awareness and loving kindness is so important. It contributes to the realization of the freedom at the foundation of our being. With my questions I have tried to point you toward that freedom within. I have tried to support and point out that which leads to increasing freedom and bliss. So much of our enculturation and consensus reality leads us in the exact opposite direction. That's why I call myself a madman. I'm on a trajectory 180° from the direction the overall culture is moving in, subscribing to and glorifying. Looking close at conventional thinking, stepping outside one's cultural and psychosocial conditioning, "normal" appears insane. The end result is simply death. The path of returning, the path of realization, is a lonely path, a path of simplicity, of reducing extraneous, frivolous baggage, a path of letting go, of not holding on, a path of willing relinquishment of all the accumulated baggage of a lifetime, a path of challenge and courage and freedom. Going against the grain of our conditioning and enculturation can have one appear misguided at best, insane at worst. But to taste the freedom within, the undeniable primordial goodness and basic wholesomeness of naked, authentic being, is its own beacon and bellwether. It this way you are less susceptible to charlatans, less willing to be led by the blind. Instead you use your own inner source as your guide. Everyone has a lamp within that can guide them home. Everything should be tested against the truth of this inner lamp. If a teaching, or scripture comes your way, it should be brought into the light of this inner lamp, and tested, scrutinized. This is especially important as you extend your spiritual friendship to others. Have them ask themselves, "Does it fit, is this useful on my path?" This is where John Tarrant says that he can have nothing to say about your path other than to share what's worked for him and to love and encourage you wherever you are on your path. We can share what we've found. We can do this freely, unselfconsciously. We can allow others to be responsible for checking it out, seeing if it fits, if it resonates with them, if it's useful to them. If not, no harm done, they can just discard it. Just like we do, they can test it against their own lamp, against their own light and see if it has any worth to them. Each person is unique and will come to their own unique conclusions. They may or may not be similar to the conclusions you or I have come to. Whatever we share, it is our own, it is particular to the unique expression of one's own being. Each will come to his or her own conclusions, through the living of their lives, the walking of their path.
Post by Akilesh
About love, divine love, whole love: Freedom, in a way, is higher than love. Love gives way to freedom. Love realizes the ascendancy of freedom. Love realizes the peak that freedom is. When you realize your original face, that authentic presence that flows from the vastness of your inner space in one continuous stream to the vastness of your outer space; when you realize the wholeness and aloneness of this space; when you realize the sheer bliss of this undivided consciousness -- you realize freedom. You realize you are already free. You realize that freedom is inherent in your very being. Without fixation on ego, without identification with a separate self, without the projection of time, without past or future, what are you? Realizing this luminous emptiness of your original face, you realize you are free; you realize you cannot be confined by anything. You are freedom itself, your consciousness is inherently free and unbounded.
Or we can look at it from the other direction. What is it that binds you, imprisons you, restricts, restrains, limits, confines and defines? You are gradually becoming very, very clear about what imprisons you; that which creates your prison walls; that which keeps you from your treasure house within, keeps you from your heart's deepest desire, keeps you separate, alienated, suffering. Ego fixation, with its want and fear, its preoccupation with thinking, the mind identified self with its allegiance to time, takes you out of the now, has you live an inauthentic, neurotic, stale life of suffering. Our deep allegiance to this ego structure keeps us from the freedom of our original nature. We know it is possible to return to the freshness and freedom of our true nature. Slowly, slowly we draw distinctions which help us differentiate the real from the unreal.
Freedom is synonymous with realization. Since we are already free, when we realize our true nature, we realize complete freedom. This is why meditative awareness is so crucial; why a combination of meditative awareness and loving kindness is so important. It contributes to the realization of the freedom at the foundation of our being. With my questions I have tried to point you toward that freedom within. I have tried to support and point out that which leads to increasing freedom and bliss. So much of our enculturation and consensus reality leads us in the exact opposite direction. That's why I call myself a madman. I'm on a trajectory 180° from the direction the overall culture is moving in, subscribing to and glorifying. Looking close at conventional thinking, stepping outside one's cultural and psychosocial conditioning, "normal" appears insane. The end result is simply death. The path of returning, the path of realization, is a lonely path, a path of simplicity, of reducing extraneous, frivolous baggage, a path of letting go, of not holding on, a path of willing relinquishment of all the accumulated baggage of a lifetime, a path of challenge and courage and freedom. Going against the grain of our conditioning and enculturation can have one appear misguided at best, insane at worst. But to taste the freedom within, the undeniable primordial goodness and basic wholesomeness of naked, authentic being, is its own beacon and bellwether. It this way you are less susceptible to charlatans, less willing to be led by the blind. Instead you use your own inner source as your guide. Everyone has a lamp within that can guide them home. Everything should be tested against the truth of this inner lamp. If a teaching, or scripture comes your way, it should be brought into the light of this inner lamp, and tested, scrutinized. This is especially important as you extend your spiritual friendship to others. Have them ask themselves, "Does it fit, is this useful on my path?" This is where John Tarrant says that he can have nothing to say about your path other than to share what's worked for him and to love and encourage you wherever you are on your path. We can share what we've found. We can do this freely, unselfconsciously. We can allow others to be responsible for checking it out, seeing if it fits, if it resonates with them, if it's useful to them. If not, no harm done, they can just discard it. Just like we do, they can test it against their own lamp, against their own light and see if it has any worth to them. Each person is unique and will come to their own unique conclusions. They may or may not be similar to the conclusions you or I have come to. Whatever we share, it is our own, it is particular to the unique expression of one's own being. Each will come to his or her own conclusions, through the living of their lives, the walking of their path.
Post by Akilesh
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