September 14, 2005

Original Self

I woke early today, while it was still dark outside. Peering out the window, I noticed the sky was still full of stars. When I walked outside, an owl greeted me with a full and resonant hooting sound coming from a nearby forest. This quiet nightscape was actually full of sound, of fresh and damp morning air, of an endless starry sky that seemed to wrap me into itself – I was at once enfolded but not able to feel the boundaries. This is divine love. This enfolding happens simply because we are, not because of our personalities, our deeds, or our intentions. It just happens because we are.

In this moment of pure holding, in a moment that seems all too brief, I recognize the person in me that came into this world full of possibility and destined for joyful unveiling and manifestation. This person within is sheltered and usually hidden beneath the thick layers of indoctrination of who I usually see myself to be, beneath convention and programming, beneath the all shoulds and oughts, and all the plans that were made for me by my family and culture. In this moment I feel the pure lightness of this self, the unbounded freedom inherent in my entity. I recognize my original face.

This – my original self – how to describe her? Well, she is open, naked, unhindered. She is inquisitive, receptive, and responsive. Though unaware of self, she views her intimate world to be emanating from her very self. She is not separate from others; indeed everything she sees seems to be an inexplicable extension of herself. She searches for eyes, for glimmers of knowing recognition in others. And when she feels this recognition her whole body responds with joyful exuberance. She reacts with amazement at the simplest of miracles. She does not know what love is because she is love.

In the immediacy of this moment, this fresh moment standing enveloped in darkness, I am alert and conscious, engaged in the immensity of the universe. The reality of my smallness is unveiled just as the early light illuminates the low fog rising in the nearby field. Little me - I am so small, a speck on the planet, infinitesimal yet not insignificant. I remember who I am.


isaiah said...

"This enfolding happens because we are, not because of our personalities, our deeds, or our intentions. It just happens because we are."

Yes, yes, yes- this is natural, not extraordinary. This is how we were created to feel- at all times. When we get out of the way of Being- and simply be, this is what we are!

You are beautiful not because of your features, you are rich not from money, you are blessed not from receiving...because "we are."

Jon said...

After I read your post, I looked to see if you or Akilesh had written it. You're growing with your teacher so well, it's quite noticeable.

What beauty this awakening stream gives to the world.

Brandice said...

Thank you for sharing this. :)

Gemma Grace said...

"She does not know what love is because she is love." @-->-

Twyla said...

(your writing reminds me of Mary Oliver's prose - capturing the beauty and sacredness of our surroundings)

When you described your Self, my heart leapt. There was a recognition, something within whispering, "yes, just that" Thank you for sharing this moment.

Larry said...

Meredith, I have to join the rest of your admirers in applauding this post. For one thing it is so Thomas.

Anonymous said...

Indeed she is an "awakening stream," a stream of authenticity and innocence where we come to drink, and are refreshed.

garnet said...

Ah, the infinite original self, the great stream of love. This is our true home, our lake, in which our finite selves float, mistaking mind for spirit, waves for reality.

Your ruminations are like milk; rich, nourishing, refreshing.

I float in a lake of milk.

ashley said...

Thank you, Meredith.

You offer this sensational glimpse into your own awakening, holding up the mirror of reflection for us to each recognize our Original Self.

What a gift and blessing. Thank you, Meredith.

Beard said...

Nice post.