Already Whole

You are already whole and complete, just as you are at this moment. What are you after? What are you afraid of? We preoccupy ourselves for lifetimes with such things. You will not find salvation or redemption outside. Turn within, empty your self and you will see your original face shining. It is here shining now. You do not need to develop further, or purify further. It is here now.

Release this hankering after something and realize you have everything you need right here and now, in full measure. If you turn within you will realize who you are, you will find that which you have been searching for your whole life. All the pain and misery will not have been for nothing. It has ripened you, softened you, so you are able finally to drop your striving, turn in and awaken, right here and now, on the spot, with no further preparation whatsoever.

Are you willing to be a nothingness? Your church or sacred scripture is just old wine in new bottles. The vessels, new and old, need to be broken again and again, and the wine allowed to flow from your own heart -- here is the sacred source, the wellspring of the divine, not in some tabernacle somewhere or in some scripture. The sacred temple is within, on your spot. At best a scripture may be encouraging, at worst a harmful impediment. Who is nurturing your wellspring within, your own sacred source of consciousness? Definitely not organized religion. This is a journey one has to go on alone, utterly alone. You have to walk the path alone. No one can walk it for you. It is particular to you and unfolds uniquely as you walk it, not before. It can't be laid out for you in a series of steps that fits everyone. You walk it alone, opening up and emptying out as you go. You become lighter as you go on losing, dropping excess baggage. You have been carrying so much baggage you can hardly move. Leave it behind. Where you're going, none of it is necessary. You've picked up all this stuff from others along the way. Drop it. It just clouds your seeing, the authentic insight that can actually lead you home. Rumi says, "become seeing, seeing, seeing!"

We don't acquire anything on this path. Instead we release things that burden us, lightening up as we go. We let go and find ourselves not holding on, find ourselves increasingly naked. We see that it is possible to live a rich life without all this excess baggage; not only is it possible but it is a life that is blissful and intuitive beyond our imagination. At some point you realize all at once that you are nothing but naked consciousness itself. This insight might be painful initially as you see all you have invested in and attached yourself to and identified with is impermanent, temporary and provisional. This can be excruciating, fearsome at first, but it passes as you get familiar living your life naked, out in the open.

Realizing authentic naked being, God within your very own heart, can be daunting given the breadth and depth of our conditioning. Your confidence in this flame of authentic presence will grow and before long it will be a wildfire, consuming all your transparent attempts at putting on an artificial face, a mask on your vast, empty godliness. It's like trying to put the vast African savanna into a diorama at the Museum of Natural History. Under artificial light it is pale, gray and dead. While the real thing is alive, fresh, wild and uncontrollable, uncontainable, living and breathing, an interconnected unity of birth and death, wholeness. You cannot decorate, dress-up or improve upon naked nature, whether a grassland or the vast landscape of your heart. Adam and Eve were beautiful in their raw nakedness, their authenticity. In shame they felt the need to clothe themselves after eating from the tree of knowledge. That's what religion does, gives you knowledge so you feel ashamed of your original nakedness. And to realize that original nakedness again requires no religious mediation whatsoever. Religion just muddies the water, taking you further from the source within.

Naked is naked -- no religion, sex, color, nationality, class or age. When you are naked consciousness, are you a man or woman, adult or child, rich or poor, Christian or Muslim; are you your mind, your thought-stream, your feelings or body sensations; are you your body? Looking within, you fall into outer space, naked space. Not clinging to an identity, you turn into empty space, nothingness, conscious vastness; unidentified, a nonentity, boundary-less and uncontained. Looking within you fall into beauty and warmth and love. And it is so close, as close as this breath going inside right this second. It is the same breath going into you, that goes into me. It is the breathing of existence itself. You can realize this right here and now. It is possible, just open your hand. Release your clenched fist and it turns into an open hand which receives the benediction. When you come upon this happening it is unmistakable. It emerges from within and the whole of earth and sky beat with one heartbeat.

One sign of opening is overflowing gratitude. This gratitude is nonspecific and causeless. It is not based on anything, just flowing thankfulness with no object. It is love, warmth extending as a fragrance in all directions; bliss, an unmoored joy that comes from within -- again, not based on anything at all. Who you are is unbounded happiness itself. Enlightenment is not far off. It is as close as your heartbeat. Tennyson writes, "Closer is He than breathing, and nearer than hands and feet." Religious thought places this at such a distance because it does not realize it. A religious institution can not realize anything. Only a person, an individual can realize his or her original nature. And when they realize it, the song that comes from their heart is the sweetest song in all of existence, unlike any song or Psalm in scripture. The song that comes from an awakened heart is beauty and love, alive and fresh, authentic. Religious thought is dead tissue, no blood flows through it. It just has the appearance of a living thing, but it is just form not substance. It is not breathing. Religion puts rituals around authentic being, but that doesn't help, it doesn't show us where the gate is. And the gate is very, very close. It is in your own breath, it throbs in your chest just as it pulses in a distant star.

Post by Akilesh

I Have Arrived

I have arrived.
I am home.
In the here,
In the now.
I am solid.
I am free.
In the ultimate
I dwell.

Thich Nhat Hanh

***

Akilesh: This verse by Thich Nhat Hanh sweetened my day. These words you send me from mystics, poets and sages resonate deeply within you. They speak your own soul. They declare your heart's deepest understanding. Yes?

Meredith: Yes, they do. Thich Nhat Hanh’s beautiful poem was like a spring blossom gently landing on me, speaking softly to me, resonating deeply within me. The simplicity, the open honesty, the pure tone of Thich Nhat Hanh's hollow flute is so beautiful. It was as though Thay was singing the song of my heart – a tune I did not yet have the words for. And yet there they were – so simple, so precise, so vividly clear.

Akilesh: Here is some of the sweetness I experience when I read Thich Nhat Hanh’s words. This light we have been dancing with, that has brought such bliss to our souls, has been shining eternally. While my eyes have been closed for so long, this light has nonetheless been shining. It is shining now and will continue to shine in the now, through eternity. I opened my heart, became a receptivity, an emptiness for the light to pour into.

Meredith: It is as though we need simply be genuine, open, and trusting, and the joy is there for us. When we are receptive we notice this bliss is the very air we breathe, the ground we walk upon, the sky we look up to. Our eyes and hearts have opened further, become receptive, and the light pours in. We recognize we are home.

Akilesh: I had to work hard, making many mistakes, to open, soften and trust. Trusting and being a receptivity seemed difficult with all of my protectiveness and defensiveness, my aggressive survival mentality, my desire for acquisition, my selfishness, and my deep, deep fear. By and by I got the knack of opening, trusting and being an allowing. Perhaps you can see in the course of our dialogue, I have encouraged you in the same direction. This was the best I had to offer, knowing that if you could find your way to open, trust and keep opening, existence would pour itself into you, and you would find your way to the source within; how with opening and receptivity you would unfold into your unique potential. All of us have a potentiality, and with openness and receptiveness one is able to realize that potentiality. I do not know what you're potentiality is, but I sense vast breadth and depth within you. What I do know is that if you continue to open yourself, expose yourself, allow yourself to become a hollow bamboo, the benediction will happen, is happening.

Meredith: Spiritual friendship has been an amazing gift. You have nudged me to open, to trust existence, to drop that which blocks the light. Little by little this has happened. And now I feel this divine love so clearly – every day I feel the blessings of light and warmth flow into me.

Akilesh: You are opening your eyes and experiencing the light. The light is not doing anything at all. It is a presence, a radiating presence. You are taking action by opening to it, receiving it. If you do not take this action, the light will go on shining, but you will not see it. You are free to choose. If you choose like most people to keep your eyes closed, the light will not object; the light will not diminish its love for you. For it is an abiding, indiscriminate and divine love. In your trust, your opening and receiving the light, it becomes yours. You are no longer there, and the light is. And you can see so much in this light. You can see the bubbling energy of the cosmos in a simple paperwhite narcissus. Your wisdom blossoms, discriminating wisdom which allows you to see the distinction between who you are and your thinking mind. In your bliss you find you are no longer burdened, confined only to this small mind identified self. Something much greater, pure consciousness is emerging. Being meeting itself, and falling in love and bliss with its creation. This is all seen in the light, the light of your original face.

Meredith: This light shines so brightly within you, Akilesh. This place beyond your ego, your small self, this is a place of true freedom. While your ego is not ascendant, who you are continues to be unique and creative, warm and loving.

Akilesh: Realizing that who you are is based on nothing external, you discover your individuality. With this discovery you see you are responsible for your own realization. Being is meeting itself in you. This seems to be the spirit of Thich Nhat Hanh's "I am home." With this realization you see you are responsible for your own awakening, for your own bliss, and for your own misery. With this realization comes a declaration, whether spoken or unspoken -- "I am home. In the here. In the now. I am solid. I am free. In the ultimate I dwell." If you have not realized it, you simply have not realized it and of course you do not declare it. Instead you continue to soften, to open, to make yourself more receptive, to trust your intuitive voice as much as possible.

I love that Thich Nhat Hanh has the guts and generosity to declare his awakening. He's declaring that awakened energy itself is manifesting here in this world on this spot; that he has found the energy of wakefulness present in this being. He has opened his eyes. The light has been shining, and now, here he sees it in all its luminosity. It has been here all along lovingly abiding, dwelling in the ultimate. He's not separate from this light now, thus he dwells in the ultimate. He's declaring, "I am home." If it's possible for me to find my way home, it's possible for you. "I am solid. I am free." If it's possible for me, one who is solid, human, existing in the historical dimension, to be free, it is also possible for you to realize your freedom; it's possible for you to realize and declare your own freedom.

I find this extremely encouraging. He's also pointing out how we can encourage others. How we can realize our own original face and then courageously, declare it, silently, to ourselves, to the universe, to no one in particular, and then radiate this presence in our own unique ways. This seems to be how light is transmitted.

Thank you for this verse. May you continue to be blessed with vast openness, trust and a receptive heart.

Meredith: As well with you, my Friend.

Whispers

What does this image whisper to your soul?

The Gift

Last night
I put a package at the foot of your bed for you to find when you awaken in the morning. Go ahead and open it – it is especially for you! I imagine you will open it slowly, untying the ribbon, and then delicately peeling back the white tissue paper. The protective foggy airspace will emerge, gently rising, releasing the treasures inside. When this fog dissipates, open the package further, and let the azure blue sky appear, with its faint whisper white clouds. Underneath, you will find the blossoms – pinks and oh-so-whites, yellows and lavenders. The fragrance! The song of the birds! Beneath the blossoms you will find the sparkles on the water, and the greenest greens you have ever seen. Be sure to notice all the treasures, as well as the warmth and the softness of the breezes. Do you hear the laughter of the children? The form and the formless are in this small package for you, each to delight you and sing to you and feed your soul.

Good morning, Beloved.

Love's Sanctuary

If we reside in love’s sanctuary, the Beloved is in the softness of the pillow, gently enfolding us, breathing with us, caressing us. When we speak, we speak to one another from this place of love, echoing the murmurs of the Beloved. We speak softly, intuitively, gently. We pick beautiful words; our words are the vehicles to carry this sweet essence of the Beloved within us.

We keep turning, turning, to touch and feel and describe this beauty, which is so intrinsic, not separate from our very selves. It is, as my friend says, like trying to describe water to fish. Why do we keep turning, trying to share this presence? If we are it, we are open to this secret, then why the words?

In a sanctuary, a refuge and haven for the Beloved to spark, kindle and flame, enlighten the very walls and hillsides with presence, drifting, slowly, softly like falling snow, gathering on the stones, tree limbs, and our eyelashes. This presence is sometimes is barely perceptible, only because we are cloaked and covered over, our eyes closed to the rich beauty all around us. But when we are open, we hold ourselves open like naked bathers in the sun, absorbing this light from every direction, until we feel the power of the glow so strongly that it radiates from every pore, every breath, we have turned into… we are the Beloved, we are the voice, gesture and song of graceful presence.

A subtle glance, a flicker of recognition, a synchronous experience, a bird soaring soundlessly through the sky are little windows into the sanctuary, light reflecting on the water – all fragments of light bursting from the prism of knowing. Reference points have dissolved. Dimensions are ultimate. It is so difficult to articulate this kind of knowing – but we try. And we try because we feel some encouragement to shine our light as is has been offered to us. Light is encouraging. Without it, we would not open our hearts; we would not blossom and give our beauty back to the world, because, as the poet Hafiz suggests, we would be too frightened.

How did the rose
ever open its heart
and give to this world
all its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light
against its Being.
Otherwise, we all remain
too frightened.

***
So we move in and through the sanctuary, love’s sanctuary, absorbing and being, reflecting and shining. Oh! Such strong light! Rays pierce the darkness and cause the dust to dance. We dance, too! How can we not share this? It is who we are.

The Great Way

The Great Way is the gate of non-being;
The thousand differences is the road of being.
Going through this passage,
Heaven and Earth is only a footstep.

-- Wumen Huik'ai, The Gateless Passage of Ch'an

The Skylark

Re: the post from Following Darkness by Forrest Reid:

Isn't this space all we ever really want? You know, we travel to hell and back in this strange land we live in. Is the comment by Forrest Reid a lark, the sentimental flight of fancy? Is it romanticism? Frivolous imagination? Realizations like his get easily dismissed. They don't produce any commodity or product useful to commercial culture. What are we doing in our conventional existence, in our scurrying about, in our gathering all these material so-called valuables around us closer and closer, more and more? What are we doing gathering increasingly exotic experiences, stimulating ourselves with ever increasing variations of entertainment; seeking fulfillment, salvation and redemption in things external, whether they be relationships, experiences or goods? What are we doing constantly establishing comfort and security around us, putting all this energy disproportionately into securing our survival? Where is our focus, our attention? How much of it is on a skylark's song, penetrating into the magic of that song, the promise of that song? We give away our hearts to so many frivolous desires, distractions and pursuits.

Did Forrest Reid re-create this experience again and again? This is what I would want for him, to carve a path to his breakthrough. Capture the scent of it and work at returning there again and again. This is worthy work, noble work. Perhaps he hates working in his cubicle at Intel. The pay is good, it's prestigious, a good benefit package, and the potential for upward mobility -- but he hates it. His heart yearns to lay down in a grassy meadow and invite the skylark's song. With this song his heart bursts open and he finds the universe within him, the stars glimmering in his being. He finds the wellspring, the bliss that all the seekers down through ages have longed for. Is this not worthy work? He loves this, he loves it, this work, this play. Where did we lose our way? I say to Forrest Reid, follow your bliss. If you hate your job at Intel, then it is done. Pay the price, whatever it is, to make your path again and again into the heart of the skylark. This may be your destiny, rather than helping Intel make advancements in chip production. You have had a beautiful breakthrough. Now follow your heart. There has been little support and encouragement over your life to do this. Instead you have been conditioned to pursue that which the culture determines is useful, productive. The culture has rewarded you for following the path that achieves its goals, that produces the results it finds valuable. It reinforces with wealth, power but these things will not fulfill you. Follow the path of bliss so that it becomes familiar and second nature to you. Relive it again and again. Find your skylark's song, and like a fragrance on the breeze, let it transform you. Re-create it again and again. You have the scent of it. Let this fragrance surround you. Give at least two hours each day to celebrate it, invite it, rejoice in it. Re-create this space and vibration that you wrote about so that it does not become just a mere memory, a nice experience. This is worthy work. Perhaps you can give five hours each day to Intel. But set aside two hours for your beloved skylark. Eventually you will be able to re-create this blissful space any moment. In fact it is here every moment, always. This insight, this breakthrough needs to be nurtured or else it will fade and you will place it like a pretty stone on your memory shelf. Don't miss, don't let it slip into just a beautiful experience. Nurture it.

Post by Akilesh

It Was Within Me

From Following Darkness by Forrest Reid

It was as if I had never realized how lovely the world was. I lay down on my back in the warm, dry moss and listened to the skylark singing as it mounted up from the fields near the sea into the dark clear sky. No other music gave me the same pleasure as that passionate joyous singing. It was a kind of leaping, exultant ecstasy, a bright, flame-like sound, rejoicing in itself. And then a curious experience befell me. It was as if everything that had seemed to be external and around me was suddenly within me. The whole world seemed to be within me. It was within me that the trees waved their green branches; it was within me that the skylark was singing; it was within me that the hot sun shone, and that the shade was cool. A cloud rose in the sky, and passed in a light shower that pattered on the leaves, and I felt its freshness dropping into my soul, and I felt in all my being the delicious fragrance of the earth and the grass and the plants and the rich brown soil. I could have sobbed for joy.

Viewing Without A Viewer

Life is blissfulness itself in the here and now. Remain in the now and you will realize who you are at the foundation of your being. Just like trees and grasses are dancing blissfully in the herenow, you are here in this dance. No future, no past, no time or space at all, only just this... It is beyond words. Words fall short here. It requires a leap from the margin into openness, a letting go of identification with anything, and suddenly vast consciousness is present without a reference point, without a thinker. Viewing is happening but there is no viewer whatsoever; no viewer can be located.

Realizing this viewing, this open seeing, is blissful. A flower has opened its petals and a fragrance is floating in the air. The whole sky is filled with this fragrance of love. In the presence of this love, you are unconditionally grateful, just overflowing with gratitude, for what appears to be nothing at all. It's as if you were carrying a great burden for so long and you just assumed it was normal to be weighted down in this way. You didn't know any different. Then with the release of awakening, you drop this unnecessary burden you've been carrying. The lightness and energy that is available is a benediction - “the unbearable lightness of being.” You want to celebrate and share your joy with whomever will receive it. You are thankful to whomever receives your love, your joy. The sharing of it itself is joyful. This love comes from an eternal, inexhaustible source. And further, you have no expectation of anything in return. Your love is given freely.

When you realize this viewing without a viewer, there is a feeling of completion and contentment. Not finality. Instead there is expanding love, growing light as you continue to open further. The process of flowing openness is never-ending, yet complete and whole moment to moment. The source within is contentment itself. You are utterly independent, yet intimately interconnected with all things and so you care for and nurture your world. It has been said that to realize your authentic presence is like being an emperor of the universe, like a king or queen without a kingdom or subjects; you feel rich and capable of sharing this richness. This becomes your play -- sharing bliss endlessly. The more you share it, the more it flows to you, so you're never impoverished. The sense of scarcity or survival dissolves. You’re rich beyond imagination. You are generous with your inexhaustible wellspring of bliss. It is there inside, superabundant being, a miracle, closer than your breath.

Post by Akilesh

Reflection

In you I see my reflection.

A Moment in Eternity

The lightening flashes from east to west, illuminating the whole horizon and striking where it pleases, and at the same instant liberty of God flashes in the depths of a man’s soul, and he is illumined. At that moment he sees that, though he seems to be in the middle of his journey, he has already arrived at the end. Although he is a traveler in time, he has opened his eyes for a moment in eternity.

Thomas Merton

The Spiritual Friend

The spiritual friend is familiar with the energy of authentic presence and uses it to help others remember who they are at the foundation of their being. The spiritual friend reminds you constantly that who you are is more than just an ego; that you are divinity itself; that you've only forgotten and lost your way. They point out the way home; they point you toward the God within. They also point out what keeps you from this realization; they show you where you're preoccupied with want and fear. Again and again the spiritual friend points within, while the whole world seems to be focused outward.

In meditation, in a meditative presence, you're more likely to look within and discover your original nature. To realize this face is to transcend death itself. The old Taoists said with this seeing you joined the immortals. Chuang--tzu said, "All that has form, sound, color, may be classed under the head thing... But a man can attain to formlessness and vanquish death. And with that which is in possession of the eternal, how can mere things compare?" You are no longer confined in the house of self identity; the drop disappears as the ocean pours into you. Your heartbeat becomes the heartbeat of the universe. You enter the spaciousness of unconditioned freedom.

As you deepen into meditative awareness, the grip of ego loosens. You open up and clear out, and realize what is happening in the process of enlightenment, how all of existence lightens up, wakes up. With this awakening, as has been said so often in so many different ways, you don't achieve anything, you don't get anything that wasn't there in the first place. Enlightenment doesn't come from outside. The light emerges from within you. With this discovery you realize what it means to be a lamp unto yourself. You no longer seek external validation for your experience. It is self-evident, local and imminent. The Koran says God is nearer to a man than his jugular vein is. You are free and with this primordial freedom you see through all pseudo religious thought. No one can control you now, no religious institution can use you for its own ends, in the service of its institutional agenda. You realize you have never been separated from the source to begin with. And with this realization comes great joy. And this joy brings a need to share, to give, to unburden yourself; and so you let your song, the blissful fragrance of your flowering, float to others.

You only thought you were separate, but with this realization you see the interconnectedness of all things. There is one breath in all of existence, and that breath is breathing you and the furthest star. The same pulse runs through all, the same fragrance of empty blissful being is common to everything. In The Secret of the Golden Flower it is said, "In this kind of seeing, one only sees that no shape is there... If a man wants to make certain of his body he cannot get at it." Hsueh--feng said, "The whole great earth is nothing but you." Where are the boundaries to your body? Do they end at your skin? You could lose your arms and legs and still be alive, but if you were to lose the atmosphere that surrounds the earth, your body would not last more than a few minutes. If you were to lose the sun, your body would not last long. So our body may be larger than we think. In fact it may be as large as the universe. The Gandavyuha Sutra says, "Bodhisattvas are able to expand their bodies to the ends of the universe."

The spiritual friend is one who reminds you of your original face. The work/play of this friend is exquisitely joyful because it is an ongoing celebration of awakening. Can you imagine a more blissful endeavor than being present to the process of awakening? Can you imagine a more joyful process than being present to the rebirth of consciousness; being present to someone who has been under the illusion that they were an utterly separate entity, an island unto themselves, and then realizing who they really are; being present to the seed losing itself as seed, the caterpillar undergoing its transformation through chrysalis to wings? Just to be present to such a blessing -- being coming to meet itself -- is enough.

Post by Akilesh

The Spiral Stairs

I climb the spiral stairs, circling round
round, again and again, stepping up,
dizzy already, looking forward -
endless stairs.

Breathing hard, but hardly moving.
It begins to look familiar - Have I been
here before? No, I’m further up
the spiral, leaning as I go.

Climbing to larger views. Circling I ascend,
round again thoughts return, experiences repeat.
Dropping inconsequentials along the way,
outgrown clothing left behind.

As I (who am I?) climb (to where?)
the spiral stairs encircle me, I climb into nothing,
a center place where memories, joy
and sorrow, circle, spiral, out and in.

I climb in and out of darkness, Shall I look back?
"No, do not look back." keep going...
step into the question again, and again.

The only step that matters is the one I am on.
I have not been here before. Spiraling closer
and closer to the light. Consciously
climbing round out again.

As I (who?) step, losing myself
Climb into silence, no sound of footsteps.
uniquely alone now, this is a singular
silent journey.

Steps disappearing.
No one pushing or pulling.
No reference. I hold an invisible thread.
I...nothing, emerging, dissolving into light.

Attention

Meredith: My house has a large wrap around porch, and I like to spend time here in the morning, enjoying the silence. The other morning when I went out to the porch, it was raining hard. There was a clean, damp earthy freshness in the air. The field I look upon appears secluded, and at the same time, open. The birds were enjoying the birdbath, and a deer was just a few feet from the porch – grazing on my flowers for many moments before noticing me. Then, in my quiet reverie, I noticed how everything just seemed so lush, and wet, and I noticed the rain itself, the drops, and the ripples the drops made in the bird bath. I noticed the way the drops hang, like prisms, to the end of the leaves. I wonder about a single drop of rain water, where it comes from, where it goes, what it touches. I thought about my thoughts, as though my perception was a lens, that can become long, wide, or micro at my will. I noticed my self noticing. Who is noticing? A ubiquitous spirit joins me here.

...the sense of being which in calm hours arises, we know not how, in the soul, is not diverse from things, from space, from light, from time, from man, but one with them and proceeds obviously from the same source.... Here is the fountain of action and of thought.... We lie in the lap of immense intelligence.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

***

Akilesh: Where are you placing your precious attention?

Meredith: Where is my attention? It is more and more on the ultimate, on divine presence everywhere and in everything. My attention is more on the background, not the foreground. However, it is also within. This paradox is one I have been contemplating recently. I recognize that divine presence holds everything, including the cosmos, the earth, nature, and all the species that exist, but it is also the ground of my own awareness. This is like the transcendent and the imminent, the outer and the inner having the same ground of identity. Thus, the viewer is the view, or vice versa. The same divine reality that holds the universe within itself also dwells within our hearts. This, you know.

Akilesh: It is this consciousness, unbounded by any identity, identification, that is Divinity itself. It is that which holds all, and indeed Meredith it is the "ground of (your) own awareness." It is the ground of your being, local, "transcendent and the imminent." As you say the "viewer is the view." Viewing is happening, only there is no viewer at all, no one to which this viewing is happening. It is consciousness itself, the foundation of your being -- and miraculously it is in full measure here in your heart, local and imminent. When you drop ego fixation, there is no mediator between you and existence, no watcher, no observer. You are existence. Viewing is happening but without a viewer. It doesn't require positing a viewer. It's self existing. Presence, or God, or being is self existing. It doesn't require "me," or a thinker at all. In fact, it is this illusion of a thinker that precludes our realization of unity. It is an illusion, yet a compelling and persistent and fundamental illusion. And there is tremendous support and validation for this illusion in consensus reality. This is why it's so difficult to wake up. The conditioning is deep and persistent and pervasive.

Love from Wholeness

Like steam; loneliness.
Swirling, foggy, moist.
Lingering in the tub alone
a tender, romantic, yearning.

Turn down the hot,
slow bubbling thoughts,
finally steam recedes; light gathers.
In the stillness fog dissipates.

Naked and alone, observing,
warmth moving with invisible strength;
merging out, like waves,
returning.

Forgetting loneliness
circling aloneness.
Alone yet not yearning; fluidity,
a formless, transparent window.

Clear water, invisible yet complete,
warmth and light carried effortlessly
never asking another to fill,
lift or yield.

Filtered sunlight, tepid pools
merge into sheltered darkness and
cold flowing, silently infiltrating
non-possessively divine.

Loneliness, partial and yearning
now whole, offered and released
Pure, formless, flowing outward
ever returning, circling and surging.

~Meredith

Your Song

Imagine a bird in the forest. At some point in her life something emerges from her heart -- a song. And this song echoes throughout the forest and reaches to the furthest star. It is kindred with that star. Starlight is in her song. Her song is not separate from dust coalescing and igniting into a brilliant celestial body. Her song is pure and perfect, authenticity itself. Awakening naturally brings forth this song. Singing the song of celebration, the song of joy, brings it into existence. It is not a thing. It is a process that depends on the singing. Release your song, do not hesitate. Glimpsing who you are at the foundation of your being, let your heart open and pour out your song, the energy of awakening, the fragrance of those beautiful flowers, so alive within you, flowers in full, ecstatic bloom. This bliss, which you have tasted, is not manifest until you begin singing, sharing. Bliss, love, celebration, awakening is not a thing that you have to find somewhere, or that you will achieve or get, or that will come to you eventually. It is it being. You don't find it, you will never find it because you are it. When you realize this -- just sing. When you turn into this vast jewel of wholeness, the vibration around you is that of bliss, of love. Sing this love song. You will know it by the presence of gratitude and contentment. How could you ask for more? So many blessings are showering on you, filling you to overflowing. You are so grateful, so thankful for just this air, the sun that warms your skin, and the good earth that holds you up. You have touched the source within, and this source feeds you, blesses you deeply, and you in turn, can bless. An infinite abundance overflows from within you, and so you sing, you share your gratitude.

When we sing our song, we radiate our bliss to others, and they may take heart in it. They may be encouraged and uplifted hearing this song, however imperfect. I was listening to some Sufi singing and what struck me was the un-self-consciousness of it -- what sounded like an old man with a gravelly voice singing in a wailing tone. What was coming through was authenticity, not words or tones, but an ecstatic pointing at the beyond. Technically far from perfect but infused with the fragrance of the beyond. When you touch authenticity, whatever you sing inspires. It is breathing life, aliveness, and it uplifts all it touches. With inspiration, we breathe in each other.

Sing imperfectly. There is no right or wrong in this song, no better or worse. None at all. It is not about articulation or strategy or mechanics. It is a magical happening that is trying to emerge from within you. Only you have to allow it, let it come out, flow from that place of authenticity and joy within. You cannot fail at this. The only sin is to miss, to live your life unaware, a sonambulist until death, wasting this precious human life. And all we really have is a few short days. That's all, just a few days in the sun. All will be taken from us. It is not permanent. Drop these toys and distractions, these preoccupations, and sing this song of awakening, of joy. You have tasted so many times and missed. Return to the source of your bliss within. Start there and find your way back to the wellspring itself. It is inside you. Only you can bring it out. And we all do this very awkwardly. Why do we insist on attending our own enlightenment ceremony? This never happens. In waking up we don't gain anything, we lose something, give up something which we have been holding on to for dear life. We don't achieve anything. Nothing is added to us that was not present with us to begin with. A toddler walks awkwardly at first. It doesn't matter to her how she looks, she will fall again and again, experience pain, shed tears, get up again and again, her heart brimming with enthusiasm as she takes those first few tentative steps. Drop all this stuff about enlightenment. The word has become an impediment. You will never achieve it. When you realize you are a nothingness, a nobody, the light will be unmistakable. It will ring like a clear bell, the sound trailing off into silence -- a vast, endless stillness. You will not be there, and a vast silence will be present. And with it an exquisite and subtle bliss. This bliss is your beacon, your bellwether, your guide. It will not fail you.

Post by Akilesh

Rumi

Rumi, the lover, spent the day with me.

Resting before getting out of bed, I pulled Rumi to me. He said, “Though we seem to be sleeping, there is an inner wakefulness that directs the dream, and that will eventually startle us back to the truth of who we are.” Rumi startled me. Refreshed and awake, I am quietly nudged, and sweetly reminded of who I am.

In meditation, I sit, and become empty and aware, warm with love. I lose myself. Rumi said, “I can’t explain the goings, or the comings. You enter suddenly and I am nowhere again. Inside the majesty.”

At breakfast today, Rumi said, “Who ever acts with respect will get respect. Whoever brings sweetness will be served almond cake.” Thank you Rumi, it is delicious.

I notice an old photo. With a lingering penchant for wistful sadness, tears rise up. Rumi said, “But listen to me; for one moment, quit being sad. Hear blessings dropping their blossoms around you.” And I noticed early camellia blossoms already dropping their exquisite pink blossoms onto the garden soil. How did he know? In this moment my sadness dissipates.

Looking out my window onto the boulevard, watching the traffic speed by, I feel a sense of longing. Rumi said, “Days full of wanting, let them go by without worrying that they do. Stay where you are inside such a pure, hollow note.” I am here now in this comfortable space, watching out the window I become unattached – the moment is pure.

Rumi left me a note by my window. It reads, “Every object, every being, is a jar full of delight. Be a connoisseur.” And I looked, and saw with fresh eyes flags with brilliant colors illuminated by light, gently tossed by an invisible breeze to delight me.

He quietly whispered, “Observe the wonders as they occur around you. Don’t claim them. Feel the artistry moving through, and be silent.” I notice the sunlight filtering through the early morning fog, illuminating the grass with the patterns of dancing leaves. I watch, silently, full of wonder.

Rumi popped up again and said to me, “Keep knocking, and the joy inside will eventually open a window and look to see who’s there.” Oh Rumi, you are being playful with me. Who, who is knocking? Is it you? Is it me? There you are! It is my beloved.

The news came on the car radio. I turned it off. Rumi reminded me, “World-power means nothing. Only the unsayable, jeweled inner life matters.” I know he's right - I hardly have the words to express it.

My heart is so open. I live, full of awe, experiencing the joy and artistry of the simplest moment, rich beyond measure with inner treasures. I stop to wonder about it. Then Rumi said, “This is not a day for asking questions, not a day on any calendar. This day is conscious of itself. This day is a lover, bread, and gentleness, more manifest than saying can say.”

I know you are right, again, Rumi. Thank you, my beloved friend.

Spiritual Friends

It is not the clay the potter throws,
which gives the pot its usefulness,
but the space within the shape,
from which the pot is made.
Tao Te Ching

Friendship is like the space in the clay pot. This space is empty, ready for filling with thoughts, reflections, questions, musings, inspirations, and tender words. And as much as is poured in, there is always room for more. True authentic friendship is an astounding gift on the spiritual journey. In this sensitive and comfortable space we share, we can each feel ourselves growing in the Light. Through Spiritual Friendship, we are each nurtured toward our own natural and perfect unfolding.

I am so grateful for my spiritual friends. Thank you all!

A Crystal Rim

The
Earth
Lifts its glass to the sun
And light – light
Is poured.

A bird
Comes and sits on a crystal rim
And from my forest cave I
Hear singing,

So I run to the edge of existence
And join my soul in love.

I lift my heart to God
And grace is poured.

An emerald bird rises from inside me
And now sits
Upon the Beloved’s
Glass.

I have left that dark cave forever.
My body has blended with His.

I lay my wing
As a bridge to you

So that you can join us
Singing.

HAFIZ

My Beloved's Presence

There are so many expressions of love; a knowing glance, small tokens, heartfelt letters, endearing expressions, and above all, my beloved's presence.

At one level my beloved’s presence is simply his physical nearness. Sitting at dinner together, sharing friendly conversation, walking side by side along the beach, feeling the closeness of my beloved's body, I am immersed in his physical presence. However, just simmering under the line of my consciousness, I sometimes have felt an underlying, gnawing feeling of separateness, of not really being known completely. I recognized, even with this intimacy we shared, that my partner and I could not know one another completely – for there is much about each of us that is a mystery, even to ourselves.

Recently, I have become aware of presence in a different context. This context has revealed to me other levels of being with my beloved that have brought even greater joy, deeper intimacy and a more nourishing spiritual bonding. Consciously or unconsciously, I believe all of us crave this deeper level of presence. We yearn to be truly seen and heard, to share ourselves with someone who listens to our emotional and spiritual self-discovery, who is able to focus on this with us. When we are deeply listened to, we more freely speak about ourselves honestly and from the depth of our being where we can begin to drop our mask and reveal our true self, our inner soul. And going deeper still, we can move beyond a presence that permits emotional disclosure to a level of exquisite presence that simply Is. This level of presence invites us to share our essence with another, to settle softly into our own Beingness. The quiet peacefulness we feel results from this shared presence, as we each rest in our own sense of Being. No longer separated by our stories, we are joined by our mutual participation in the Oneness of an all-pervasive, ever-present intelligent energy.

In a love relationship, we have at our side someone who loves us. I have been so grateful to share my life with my beloved – a path that has opened into greater and more meaningful dimensions of intimacy. As individuals, we walk, talk and experience life differently from one another, but when we come into open presence with each other, all those differences slide away. Only the Oneness remains. It is here, in relationship, that we really learn to walk this path, to open our hearts and share our open presence.

I have found that when I approach my beloved with reverence, I am able to touch the divine that lives in each of us. When I gaze upon my beloved with eyes that are open to my own soul, I am able to glimpse the spiritual nature that lies beneath our separateness. When I listen deeply, from an intuitive center, I hear my beloved’s heart speaking. When my beloved and I breathe together, allowing the breath move in and out of our bodies and mingle in the space between us, returning over and over again to the source of sacred breath deep within us, we stand naked in the mystery and joy of holy union. Apart, this connection remains; indeed, I feel my beloved’s presence even when he is no longer physically near. I feel him here right now, right beside me. I am filled with gratitude for this intimate presence in my life, a presence that reflects a Divine Beloved with in each of us.

Dark Night

There comes a time when both body and soul
enter into such a vast darkness
that one loses light and consciousness
and knows nothing more of God’s intimacy.
At such a time, when the light in the lantern burns out
the beauty of the lantern can no longer be seen.
With longing and distress, we are reminded of our nothingness.

Mechtild of Magdeburg

***

You too will have your descent, your dark night. You too will drop from the edge of the precipice, into open, empty space, the authentic presence at the foundation of your being. You are already here, only you harbor an extremely seductive, pervasive and persistent illusion. Were it not for the anguish of clinging to this illusion, you would remain in your cocoon, desperately trying to hold on to your familiar world unto death. But suffering is an unrelenting messenger, slowly or fiercely contributing to your ripening. The message of impermanence, the temporary and provisional nature of form, leaks into our sleepy consciousness day in and day out, and turns our head, helps us inquire, ask the big questions, and return to the source within.

As you allow yourself to be exposed to the forces of annihilation, as you willingly place yourself into the forge, where the heat and pressure of existence is allowed to work on you, as you expose yourself to this alchemical process where unconscious material is brought into the light of awareness, illuminated, given being, allowed, given a place, some space -- you ripen. Hanging heavy on the branch, you're exposed to the wind, rain and sun. There is nothing to shield you, protect or defend you from the harsh and benevolent grace of nature. And you ripen. You begin surrendering, letting your guard down, softening, dropping your resistance, you open and are transformed without having to do anything. By and by the fruit falls from the tree; you dissolve in the vastness of your original nature, which has been patiently abiding, lovingly waiting for you. Authentic presence moves from the background to the foreground in one sudden flash. Having released your identification with thinking, your clinging to a mind identified self, space opens up for existence to pour into. The hard work of clearing out and opening up has provided a space for authentic presence to descend, to fill you, to shower its blessing and benediction on you. You are no longer in the way, and existence has space to be.

The universe awakens. This awakening, this satori itself, also ripens and continues to lighten up. Then we get scared and pull the covers back over our head, and retreat repeatedly into the old familiar recesses of our cocoon. Here we think we have temporary surcease from our insecurity. But the freshness of living an authentic life evaporates with this retreat back into delusion. Reality is vivid, precise and inherently insecure. We have tasted the beyond, caught the scent of that fragrance, and nothing, nothing compares with the exhilarating rediscovery of our original home. No religion, no creed, doctrine, teaching or discipline can replace the bliss of realizing our original nature, our own treasure house within. This realization requires no external validation or confirmation. It is self-evident. It would make no difference if a hundred sages told you you're mistaken, because it has happened, the realization has flowered from within -- undauntable. It is not based on anything external. It is unconditioned. And you realize this.

Under the covers, back in the womb of our mind identified self, we again live in the sonambulistic twilight of unconsciousness. Once again we become disenchanted with our lives, the suffering, the misery. It dawns on us that our world has once again become claustrophobic, lackluster. Haven't we been here before? Where did we lose our way again, and how? Then we catch a glimpse of sunlight, a whiff of fragrant spring air, and again want out, and set off in search of the openness and freedom that is our birthright. Once again we replay the odyssey of awakening. We wake up and find we're in the theater of self, where the epic of Little Me has been playing over and over. We get up, dazed and nauseated and leave the theater. We go out into the fresh air and sunlight where we rub our eyes and are astounded. We remember our journey outside the prison walls. Eventually we learn how opening up and clearing out leads to increasing luminosity in our lives, a fathomless abundance. And one blissful day we discover the prison walls have fallen away altogether. They are seen to be insubstantial, of our own making, and the house of self collapses. Our identification with mind, body and emotion dissolves and (this has been said in so very many different ways) the sky falls on our head, we turn into existence itself, the universe wakes up, we are pulled through the gate without the use of our own hands. Simply, you are awake. Authentic being, authentic presence is here. Call it bliss, call it love, beauty, silence, call it God.

Post by Akilesh

Branches

 

When we share, when we let our love light shine, existence melts into us. Our original nature is light. To the extent we remove the impediments to this light, it passes freely between us. While we are individuals, individual waves, individual leaves, fundamentally we are not separate. We are a totality. Not separate waves, rather we are oceanic. We are under an illusion that we are separate leaves, thousands, millions, totally separate. But the actuality is those leaves are attached to branches, branches of one tree. Look beyond the leaves and branches and see the wholeness, the unity of the one. This totality is the clear light of consciousness. Realizing this, is realizing the source of light itself. When we realize this source within, and come from this space, this one light resonates in the other. Through the feeling of separateness we register this vibration. When we are aware of our non-separateness, all activity is God activity. We are sharing the warmth of God with God. Even the notion of God disappears in this celebration. It is unnecessary. There is self existing love light present, within and without. When empty being meets itself in the other, a dance and song emerges, a celebration of blissfulness.

Post by Akilesh

Today

I
Do not
Want to step so quickly
Over a beautiful line on God’s palm
As I move through the earth’s
Marketplace
Today.

I do not want to touch any object in this world
Without my eyes testifying to the truth
That everything is
My Beloved.

Something has happened
To my understanding of existence
That now makes my heart always full of wonder
And kindness.

I do not
Want to step so quickly
Over this sacred place on God’s body
That is right beneath your
Own foot

As I
Dance with
Precious life
Today.


HAFIZ

Love Light

Falling in love, being in the presence of divine love, is perhaps what the moon suggests in Hafiz’s poem. Love is like turning into light – the light that pours into us and into others. Love comes from light, yet further light comes from love.

I have been reflecting on the notion of Light; the amazing quality of light that allows illumination for seeing, feeling, and experiencing. What is this magic? For example, when you notice that you have your heart hidden away, what causes it to come out of hiding? What exposes it? Surely the effect of love is melting. The awareness of light allows the warmth and melting of frozen hearts.

There is not a time or season that light does not pour gently upon us. However, we are in an intimate and constant relationship between lightness and dark. Light illuminates dark, yet retains relationship with dark. Natures cycles, from night to day, from womb to birth, sorrow to joy, winter to spring – light is always in relation in a dual nature with dark. In this, the sad/joyful heart, and again, love.

How does Light pass, from one to the other? Well, I think it is the Spark! The spark from a glowing ember ignites something next to it. From one log of glowing embers, we burst into flame when we are two. This is the way. We can draw upon the holy spark that dwells within us. There is potent energy here. It becomes radiant and bright, full of glory when shared this way.

I read…John of the Cross wrote a poem called “The Living Flame of Love.” This is about the total transformation of the soul in the Beloved. In this, he speaks of the sparks that matures into flame. The soul not only unites to the fire that God is but also produces a living flame. Thus, true love is creative and fruitful. Those with this fire within become openly radiant.

“The flame of love is the Holy Spirit…And that flame, every time it flares up, bathes the soul in glory and refreshes it with the quality of divine life. Such is the activity of the Holy Spirit in the soul transformed in love: the interior acts he produces shoot up flames, for they are the acts of inflamed love, in which the will of the soul united with that flame, made one with it, loves most sublimely.”

John believed that because the Holy Spirit is so fully at work,

“all the acts of the soul are divine…Hence it seems to a person that every time this flame shoots up, making him love with delight and divine quality, it is giving him eternal life, since it raises him up to the activity of God in God.”

Love takes on the characteristics of fire:

“Since love is never idle, but in continual motion, it is always emitting flames everywhere like a blazing fire…The soul is affected in the deepest center, for God does his work in the soul’s depths. And the soul’s center is God.”

I feel so much love. This love is kindled like the light of a flame. We glow with a radiance of love – from being this love and sharing this love, rising “…up to the activity of God in God…”

Water Light

 

***
I have enjoyed meditating on the essence of this
image. Unfortunately, I don't have a source for this
photo, but I am deeply and delightfully appreciative!

Turning into Light

from Hafiz...

The moon came to me last night
with a sweet question.
She said:
“The sun has been my faithful lover
for millions of years.
Whenever I offer my body to him
brilliant light pours from his heart.
Thousands then notice my happiness
and delight in pointing
toward my beauty.
Hafiz, is it true that our destiny
is to turn into Light Itself?”

***
This poem by Hafiz is so beautiful. It is the very light it speaks of. Such sweet music drifting from these lines. His lover, the moon comes to him in the night, in darkness, and she has a question. And the sweetness of the question itself -- just that his lover is asking a question of him, takes him over the top; he is already overflowing with bliss, just with the exchange, the communion with his lover. They are sharing -- the celebration of being meeting itself. This is the key to the whole poem: the blissful celebration inherent in sharing, and the natural sharing that emerges when one is filled with blissfulness.

The moon, filled with loving gratitude, speaks of her communion with the sun. "Whenever I offer my body to him..." And this is what we do -- offer our "body" up. Our body is none other than our externalized soul, and our soul none other than our internalized body. They are not separate. They are unified whole. Only our thinking divides them. So when she offers up her body, she is offering up her totality, her being, her heart. In the offering, in the deep openness and receptivity, "brilliant light pours from his heart." The moon, as an identity disappears, and what remains is light, the light of the source. There is no moon there, no sun, only the one light. Not sunlight, not moonlight, but the one light shining from sun, from moon, from Hafiz, Hafiz to you. This light emerges when we share it. Sun sharing with moon, moon sharing with Hafiz, Hafiz sharing with you, you sharing with... Light grows in this way, expands with the sharing.

Our body is light itself, the clear light of consciousness. When we uncover this consciousness empty of self at the foundation of our being, we are filled with a subtle and exquisite bliss. This flowering produces the fragrance of love that floats to others; the sweet music of the beyond; a luminosity, a love light others can notice in the darkness.

The moon is so overflowing, she shares the beauty of her love light with Hafiz. He in turn shares the light kindled within his own heart with us. Hafiz, you old rascal, hiding your sweet question, your beauty, and your love light in the moon. Did you think we wouldn't notice?


Post by Akilesh

Mystery Unveiled

I found something lovely in a book I am reading. It is from a new translation from Jesus’ Aramaic on his teaching on meditation. Feel the beauty floating through and between these lines:

When you want to lay yourself open for the divine,
like a snare that is hollowed out to its depth,
like a canopy that projects a shadow
from the divine heat and light
into your soul,
then go into your inner place physically,
or to that story or symbol that reminds you of the sacred.
Close the door of your awareness to
the public person you think yourself to be.
Pray to the parent of creation, with your inner sense,
the outer senses turned within.
Veiling yourself, the mystery may be unveiled through you.
By opening yourself to the flow of the sacred,
somewhere, resounding in some inner form,
the swell of the divine ocean can move through you.
The breathing life of all reveals itself
in the way you live your life.

Openness

Meredith: Sometimes in the quiet a single word or phrase will circle itself amongst the energy as I sit. It won’t go away; and each time I acknowledge it, it has a slightly different shape. Today, the word is Open.

I have thought of the word ‘open’ in the relational sense as being willing to disclose, or to share more personally. I recognize there are many deeper meanings for this word/concept. Today, like natural ripening, new understandings blossomed for me.

I sense this: Openness is accepting and responding to God, or Ultimate Reality, or any one of those 100 names of the thing with no name... Openness has to precede any relationship, any relating. In the spiritual sense, opening has meant becoming a bit vulnerable, like rolling over and exposing my underbelly, becoming soft, quiet, and ready. Openness is being willing to expand my mind to embrace a new thought, or accept a new insight, or as Quakers say, a leading. It is as though it is by opening up to and integrating these leadings that I have awakened to who we actually are. Openness is also about responding; responding with a basic attitude of reliance in the ultimate ambiguity behind existence. In this, I stand with a gesture of openness. Openness in this sense is also relinquishing control, expanding my simple trust in the mystery.

Quakers have another saying, which is, “As way opens.” I have thought this to mean as things become clear. Today, I recognize that the ‘way’ opens all the time. “The way” has opened for me into some profound experience with love, something I cannot even logically describe. But I was open, and ‘it’ opened for me. This experience is blissful.

I looked outside my window at dawn today, and saw a watercolor painting. Each day, each landscape appears for me to be exquisite art. I see, I breathe it in, I exult in it. This is the pulse of existence, and I am open to experience this joy.

Meanwhile, inside, sorrow is present. My dad’s breathing is labored, his eyes seem vacant. He reaches for unseen objects. I care for him in a tender way - in a way I am certain he once cared for me, recognizing the full circle quality of this caring. My mother cries often. Her sorrow, palpable like heavy mist, is unrelenting. Yet, through it all, love swirls. Loving energy mixed in with more and more openness. We are all open to this energy, though we do not define it. This love keeps us all afloat. It too, is the pulse of existence.


Akilesh: Open, so open. You write, "Openness is accepting and responding to God." Yes, stepping out-of-the-way and allowing graceful presence to emerge. Your openness has provided a space for existence to pour into you. Without that openness existence has no place to bless you; there is no space for the benediction to occur. It occurs in the space you are. Your nature is space, but it is filled up with the structure of ego fixation and all of its pursuits, its preoccupation with want and fear. This is what covers the space available for benediction. Everyone has the potential for this bliss, this blessing to descend on them, the potential for their illumination to blossom from within. But they are distracted, preoccupied with identifications of all kinds. And here you are, "... relinquishing control, expanding my simple trust in the mystery." And of course we struggle with logically describing it. Truly as you speak, the Way opens all the time. The very nature of the Way is open, openness, freedom, bliss. It is a happening, a happening we can nurture. We can also turn away from ego fixation. With this turning away it withers. With our openness, existence opens. And this is blissful to me as well. Of course you would feel gratitude. With your discovery of authentic presence, gratitude is the natural result. Your life becomes an exquisite living work of art and beauty. In this beauty, which is a vast beauty, even death is included.

The Precipice

Meredith: This passage is from “Nature,” found in Ralph Waldo Emerson’s journal. Emerson identifies his awareness when his ego is suspended:

“Standing on bare ground, my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifted into infinite space – all mean egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eyeball. I am nothing. I see all. The currents of the Universal Being circulate through me. I am part or (a) particle of God.”

Maybe this is a formless experience, where Emerson is taken out of himself in a consciousness illuminated beyond the foreground. His ‘eye’ of wisdom and intuition is very open. I ‘see’ this in you sometimes. Does it resonate with you?

Akilesh: Emerson, in his beautiful quote, was on the precipice. In his quote he stops short of letting himself fall over the edge into the abyss. The nothingness he saw, that he could have dissolved into, is universal being itself. Actually, there is no "me" for any currents of being to circulate through. Emerson is neither a part or a particle of God. He is God. He is the Universal Being itself. When Emerson is not, God is. Dissolving into the nothingness he glimpsed, his mind identified self, his fixation on ego, falls away, recedes into the background, and graceful presence emerges, universal being manifests. It was there all the while, only covered over with Emerson. It abides here and now, always and everywhere, lovingly, graciously waiting for us to open our hearts. Empty of our Emerson, our identity, there is bare ground, we are bathed in blithe air, uplifted into infinite space, unbounded by any ego, any body, feeling or sensation. We become a transparent seeing without a seer. We find we are a nothingness, empty space, warm, loving, intelligent and luminous. Without boundaries, our insight is vast. We are turned into the sky itself. Actually, as Kabir noted later in life: the ocean has merged with the drop, the ocean itself, vast and unbounded, pours into the drop. No Emerson can contain that. No Akilesh, no Meredith. Only just this... Call it love, call it beauty, silence, presence, being, call it God. Who we are is this, and we immerse, or merge ourselves in it. We find one another in it.

Meredith: Do you recognize the precipice that Emerson stood upon? I sometimes recognize that I stand there, too. Not quite able to see into the depths of the abyss, not yet ready to leap. It is my conscious mind that is standing there – some other part of me has already taken the leap. I’m not certain I would be aware of this if it were not for the mirror you hold for me – a reflection empty of me. That feeling of wanting or about to burst – I feel it too at times. This must be the whole of the ocean within us – so big we can hardly contain it. We are no longer – because we cannot hold it alone. We become the energy. This is so beautiful.

Akilesh: So many of us, as egos, in the historical dimension, deeply identified, stand on the precipice. We've all had glimpses, and these glimpses are what you can speak to in others when you relate to them. The glimpse may be described in any number of ways but you can tell it is a glimpse of the beyond because it will have that fragrance. It will show itself with the vibration, aroma or aura of bliss. It will be described in ordinary terms -- just seeing pigeons flying against the backdrop of a gray sky in winter, and yet a poignancy and ecstasy will be present, unexplainable. But you will recognize it.

The mind always wants to analyze and explore the depths of the abyss before it takes the leap. This is impossible. It takes great trust to take such a leap, to not hold on to ego identification, and let oneself dissolve into nothingness, the abyss. You have got it right. "It is my conscious mind that is standing there -- some other part of me has already taken the leap." Exactly. It is in the realization. Once the realization is there, the leap has already occurred. The whole universe is wide awake. Some realize this, most don't. When you release your hold on ego fixation, you find awakening is already there, already present. It's not like you get something from outside that wasn't there in the first place. Initially, fear arises whenever anyone gets close to being -- the space "empty of me." But this fear passes.

Lion’s Roar

Today, I felt afraid. It was a distressing experience; I felt angry, upset and dazed. At the time, I noticed the feeling, like an observer. Observing was like giving space to the emotion so that I was able to see its development – the going up and the sucking in and feeling the tears come and my stomach responding with a twisted sensation. It was a very full awareness; I felt it in my head and in my heart and in my stomach and my hands - each shaking, just a little. It was all like a brief storm. When it passed, calmness and a sense of quiet returned. Watching the storm helped me to transcend this trembling feeling, and respect the storm for what it was - energy. The whole while, I noticed a calm place in my center, like the eye of the storm, that was not touched by this fear.

I feel a sense of peace which is about me always, not punctured by events that happen day to day. This peace gently holds me, like a certain knowing that is always there, only to come forward again and again through fearful or distressing circumstances. I have learned that this is the “Lion’s Roar” identified by the Buddha. In the Indian Ashokan artwork, the proclamation of lion’s roar was depicted by a sculpture of four lions looking in the four directions, which symbolizes that you don’t have a back. Every direction is a front; there is all-pervading awareness. Fearlessness comes from facing all directions. We don’t have to take one direction; once we begin to radiate our fearlessness, it is all pervading, radiating in all directions. This panoramic awareness leaves us with nothing to defend.

The notion of the lion’s roar captures for me that steady foundation I feel existing within, unconditional, no matter what happens externally. Chogyam Trungpa says: “Whatever comes up in our state of mind, including powerful emotions, is workable.” This is a combination of tremendous confidence and deep peace in the present moment.

Gratitude

A Friend, Marjorie (Unclimber and Yearning for Stillness blogs) commenting on my last post wrote, “…I'm washed with gratitude…The gratitude comes in the stillness, its ecstasy.” This is so beautiful, Marjorie. Thank you!

This feeling of gratitude has been a natural and fundamental part of my spiritual journey. I have had the almost overwhelming feeling at times of gratefulness – for everything. At times this has felt like joyfulness, at other times, like my heart overflowing. The feeling of gratefulness itself has become an almost constant companion.

John Milton said, “Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.”

Gratitude is a reverent and peaceful way. Finding the extraordinary in the ordinary becomes a transcendent moment of awe and gratitude. Gratitude makes us feel good right here and now for all that we are and all that we have. Anger and fear disappear with genuine gratitude. This thankfulness brings peace and overflows to those around us. With this genuine feeling of gratefulness, we return to a natural state of joy, love and peace, knowing we are whole and complete just as we are.

With gratitude,

Resonance

Sometimes, something will resonate with us for reasons we do not understand. One Friend, James (Genius of Insanity blog), found the music of Ravi Shankar struck a deep chord within him. For another friend, David, (Friendly Kwakersaur blog), a passage in the Bible, “Here is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” resonated and gave him cause for deep reflection, yet he could not readily discern the ‘reason’ for the resonance. He is an intellectual, a thinker, yet he recognized that something within the passage was touching him at a non-cognitive level.

A metaphor I heard recently, that struck a chord with me, is that our brains are like the part of an iceberg that is above the water. Much of our consciousness is underneath, submerged, being affected by waves and currents our brains are not even aware of. When I am touched in ways I do not understand, I like to rest with it, smile about it, savor it. I don't try too hard to 'work it' – to figure it out or comprehend the reasons for it. Rational comprehension isn't always necessary. In fact, too much thinking seems to take a bit of the poetry away. All that is needed is to feel the peace that permeates from that which touches us, and reflect and share this with others. Sometimes, in time, deeper understandings come forth, to be understood cognitively... but sometimes not.

This is all a little mystery of Grace.

Listening and Grace

Listening intently to another person, sympathetically reflecting on and reflecting back to that person what has been deeply heard beneath the mere surfaces of communication, is a charismatic experience for which there is no adequate word. But the concept of "grace" comes close, suggesting an intensely felt dispensation from the commonplace. In such rare moments of mutual deep hearing between people, a mind routinely overshadowed by a sense of its lonely isolation is suddenly suffused with a radiant delight. Such delight, like grace, gifts the mind with an experience of the ordinary pierced by the extraordinary.

William J. Scheick

Krishna

Krishna - Spring in Kulu

(Technical success!)

Krishna

Nicholas Roerich

Nicholas Roerich painted a series of landscapes of the Himalayas in various times of the year, and at different times in his life. These beautiful mountains are associated with the ascent to the ultimate mystery. On the ascent, the solitary quest of the sage is depicted in quiet meditation. The extrordinary beauty of these peaks naturally pull the viewer into intense and prolonged contemplation of the mountains immensity, mystery, structure, light and colors.

Perhaps the viewer becomes the view.

Treasure of Being

A river of diamonds and emeralds is nothing compared with the treasure of being within you. All the material treasures of this earth cannot compare with the eternal bounty found in simple authentic presence. Creating this love-food, creating space for divine love to emerge is worth risking everything. When you get hold of a tiny candle of divine love, risk all to nurture it. Let it grow into a great conflagration.

This body-mind-emotion complex you call your self will evaporate in a few short years -- utterly dissolve. So why not dissolve the desperate clinging to it now; and dissolve down into open space, into emptiness that allows for presence, for being? I notice with this dissolution, with this dis-identification, peace descends, calmness and clarity, love, compassion and warmth, intelligence and perspective -- all self existing without the need for a mind identified self. With this realization comes bliss, non-dualistic basic goodness, contentment, lightness and ease, a looseness and naturalness in which I can breathe deeply, freedom. And then an overwhelming need to share. Like in one of my favorite childhood stories "The Five Chinese Brothers," where one of the brothers found he could swallow the entire ocean, but could only hold it for so long before having to release it back into the seabed. I feel like that Chinese brother, having discovered an ocean of love within me, and needing to unburden and release it.

If you find overflowing love, if you find a wellspring of overflowing treasure in your heart, if you discover an impulse to encourage, please find some way to share it. The world of ego fixation can be uplifted with this sharing. While the world seems focused and preoccupied with ego fixation, with want and fear, we can look within ourselves, touch our treasure within, and love and encourage from this place. When you love and encourage from this treasure within, you release a blessed food that can satisfy the deepest hunger. You have an inexhaustible treasure within that can be used to love and encourage yourself and others. Do your best to realize this treasure, and when you find it, share the abundance as generously as possible.

Post by Akilesh

Practice

Practice really is a lifelong thing.
Not because it's hard work,
but because it's beautiful and
because we love it,
and because seeing and experiencing and feeling
what it's really like to be human,
what this world and our connection to it is really like,
is a beautiful thing.

~ John Tarrant

Radiant Vision

“There is a Divine Center into which your life can slip, a new and absolute orientation to God. A Center where you live with God, and out from which you see all of life, through new and radiant vision, tinged with new sorrows and pangs, new joys unspeakable and full of glory.”

Thomas R. Kelly

Impoverishment

Having material wealth, increasing possessions and your bank account will not cure inner poverty. Financial solvency will not fill that hole. We may have a measure of wealth, status and power in our little mini-series called "my life," in our little epic drama called "What About Little Me." But still we may be living in poverty within. What cures that hunger is divine love. And there are so many hungry people around. When you look, there seems to be so much misery. All this striving desperation; trying to shore up and built up, protect and defend a child's sandcastle on the beach, a house of cards. With our allegiance to ego fixation we go on laying our treasure up where it is corrupted. We spend our precious time and attention on the impermanent, and ignore being, we ignore the eternal. We are starved, and that which would feed us is minimized and discounted. In ego world divine love is scoffed at. It seems to have little or no value, yet it is the only food that will satisfy our deep hunger.

We have glimpsed the treasure house within. We have tasted this nectar, become intoxicated with the fragrance of divine love, meditative love. We have experienced firsthand the bliss of open space empty of self. We now know what real food, real sustenance looks like. We have eaten it. In other words there is awareness of enlightened energy, of energy moving in the enlightened state. This feeds us and encourages us to further opening. When we realize and share this enlightened energy, it grows in us; it manifests more and more in our world. Isn't this the fulfillment of our hearts desire? Isn't this the source of a rewarding and fulfilling life? Can you describe for me a deeper source of bliss? So however awkward it is to share, however clumsy we feel, however difficult or challenging or embarrassing it is to share, we should take the risk. Because in this sharing we are uplifted, the world is uplifted.

Post by Akilesh

Trusting Life Completely

The journey of spiritual awakening leads us into the arms of the Divine Beloved, the graceful Presence that transforms our life from ordinary to Ordinary -- a way of living beyond the confines of our habitual patterns, limiting beliefs and self-seeking desires. In order to manifest our spiritual destiny, the ego self -- that which perceives itself as separate and alone -- must discover and follow the Higher Self, or Spirit. In the beginning of one's spiritual journey, these two aspects of the Self seem to be at odds. Ultimately, they are realized as one and we come to trust life completely.

Rev. Ellen Grace O'Brian

At Blackwater Pond

At Blackwater Pond
the tossed waters have settled
after a night of rain.
I dip my cupped hands.
I drink a long time.
It tastes like stone, leaves, fire.
It falls cold into my body,
waking the bones.
I hear them deep inside me,
whispering
oh what is that beautiful thing
that just happened?

Mary Oliver

***
When we are quiet, we may notice a gentle, yet powerful consciousness in the background. This is a benign love we all possess; a love always available, if we pause, cup our hands, dip them into the cool water, deliciously take the time to drink in this presence, and let it refresh our bones. It is a beautiful thing.

Walking

I have a Friend who walks with me. Daily we meet for this time together. We walk and talk and share effortlessly, and sometimes we just walk silently together. Our cheeks blush radiantly from the fresh air, our heartbeat becomes strong and steady.

You, my friend, respond like you know my thought before I express it, and understand my feelings so intuitively. We share a comfortable and unique intimacy. You reassure and encourage me, and deepen my understanding of our reality with your insights. When I am cold you have put your arm around my shoulder. When I have fallen behind you have waited, and reached out and taken my hand to help me over the rough terrain.

I love how you draw my attention to the natural beauty of the changing seasons, and the multitude of little creatures that join us along the path. Sometimes we have walked in the rain, and have become delightedly drenched. You playfully stomp water onto my legs, and we laugh together. We have walked in the fog, when we couldn’t quite see what was ahead, though this fogbank usually lifted as we strolled. We have walked at night, and watched the stars turn in the sky, and found our way by moonlight. Other times, mid-day, the sunlight beams down on us, warming and illuminating us. We have melted into the sunrises and sunsets.

Often, our pace is even; I cannot hear your footsteps apart from my own… I have the sense that we are not two. You are a Divine Friend next to me, behind me, ahead of me, within me. Not separate, not two. Your graceful presence is everywhere and everything to me; we move together, we see this blissful world with the same eyes, love with the same heart, experience this Existence as one.

Little Tree

There is a little maple tree outside my back door. This tree had amazing crimson leaves this autumn – all blown off with the last windstorm. The tree is now completely bare, naked of adornment. How beautiful and graceful it is in its emptiness. It reaches up, toward the light, unafraid and unprotected. Within its core, this little tree holds a creative potential that will undoubtedly yield plentiful leaves and new growth this coming spring. This will happen without effort or striving, without longing or desire. The original nature of this little tree is pure and perfect in its emptiness, lovely in its form and formlessness. Something of this essence is in us, within each of us, in our most basic form. Our original nature, unadorned by ego or arrogance, is perfect and complete. When we are empty - quiet and not striving, we, too, may find an amazing creative potential within our core.

Growing Tender

In the middle of the night I was awakened by the strong winds in the forest, and the occasional crack, swoosh, and thud of falling limbs. As I quietly listened, I reflected upon the changing of the season, the changes in our lives, and the turmoil that changes sometimes bring. Sometimes changes are smooth, other times tumultuous. It seems our attention is drawn to the dramatic changes with an overt awareness, but our attention maybe much less attuned to subtle changes.

Our humanity, growing all the time, does not let us rest on any change for long - there is always another one around the corner, sometimes upon us before we even know what happened. These changes affect our very core, rubbing up against old parts of ourselves like a polishing cloth reaching into the dark crevices. We wince with the discomfiture change stimulates, and the inevitable uprooting of old wounds. Without this occasional tending, debris builds up, buries and hides our wounds, and we are weighed down.

How good and wholesome it is to periodically return to these dark places, move them and look at them, handle them gently and restore their proper place in us. An honest inventory here softens us, makes us tender, and brings the luminosity and luster back to the places that have grown dim in the shadows.

The Lotus Flower

The beautiful lotus grows in shallow water surrounded by mud. Here, the lotus opens each morning, and closes each evening. Exquisite in its purity, the lotus appears to float alone, however underneath the water its roots are connected to many other lotus flowers.

The lotus is a simple but potent metaphor for divine potential, deep wisdom, serenity, interconnectedness and transcendence.

Ripening

A friend held a bulging brown paper sack and asked, “These are from my mother’s tree. Would you like some?” I peered into the bag, and let out a little gasp! I could hardly believe my eyes. The interior of the bag was illuminated by dozens of lemons, so beautiful, perfectly shaped, fragrant and flawless. All together they had a vivid, radiant quality, as though they were glowing from the inside. I felt a childish enthusiasm as my friend generously laid three iridescent lemons in my hands – an extraordinary and delightful gift from our beloved earth on a gray winter’s day.

What has us ripen, become radiant, and mature fully into the spiritual life? A friend told me: “We are all ripening in our own way, at our own pace. Ripening is going on all around us, naturally, ineluctably. Eventually we let go and drop -- pure, beautiful, ripe, juicy -- into open space. Existence is fully awake already, just waiting for us to drop into emptiness.”

And in this emptiness, an apparent radiance...

So much gratitude.

Artwork

It happened again. This afternoon I was solitary, immersed in my artwork, when time turned into timeless, function dissolved into form, self forgetting self. Small thinking suspended, I was taken beyond myself into a quiet world of pattern, color, light and creative energy. The hours slipped away.

I don’t think about what happens in my consciousness when I am absorbed in this way. But I do know that when my ego recedes, when I’m not thinking about self, time, or facets of local awareness, there is a creative freedom and energy present. This capacity to enter realms of heightened and inspired creativity is available to me when I become quiet, immersed, and surrendered. Silent and open, creative sacred energy is present.

Clear Mind

This morning our little corner of the world was wrapped in a dark gray cloak. This grayness eventually will lift. Even on cloudy mornings like this, gentle visible signs of spirit are everywhere… I relish becoming mindful and acknowledging these signs. Example: the light filtering through the last of the brilliant golden leaves outside my window, the family of deer prancing along the busy avenue this morning, the sounds of the kids on the playground, and the twinkle in a friend’s eye. A knowing glance, a soft smile, heartfelt conversation, an honest delight in each day; these are small and outward signs of the graceful presence I hold within. Sometimes, however, my own graceful presence is clouded over by dark thinking.

My spiritual friend amusingly notices when I let my thinking cloud my clear mind. We laugh together about this. Inspired by a Buddhist quote, I have learned that my clear mind is like the morning cloudiness that lifts to reveal the beautiful blue beyond that is always there… Or the full moon in the sky. Sometimes clouds come and cover it, but the moon is always behind them. When the clouds lift the moon shines brightly. I am learning not to worry about clear mind: it is always there. When cloudy thinking comes, behind it is clear mind. When cloudy thinking goes, there is my clear mind. Thinking comes and goes, comes and goes. I am becoming less attached to the coming or the going. It happens. I’m glad to have a spiritual friend to remind me.

Everyday Sacred

The more I dwell in the Light, I notice everyday to be sacred. My reaction has increasingly been to experience a feeling of gratitude that overflows within me. I recognize that every day, every breeze, flower, raindrop, each part of myself and in each of my relationships – God is present.

Today in my kitchen, this sacred presence is so very evident. It swirls in the air with delightful fragrance of traditional cooking, its warmth radiates with the sunlight through the steamy windows. But most of all, this sacredness fills my heart with an awareness of abundance to which I feel fully awake.

Dear friends and family are gathering in my small kitchen today; we will sit side by side amidst this swirling sacred energy and share this abundance. Sensing this sacred energy, and becoming fully present to it, I again feel a gratitude that springs from a deep well within me. This Thanksgiving gratitude overflows to my every day, for I witness every day to be sacred, just as this one is.

Tree of Awe

You must have shadow and light source both
Listen, and lay your head under the tree of awe.

***

This is not a day for asking questions,
not a day on any calendar.
This day is conscious of itself.
This day is a lover, bread, and gentleness,
more manifest than saying can say.

Rumi

Spirit is Here

Her shoulder was next to mine. Eleanor is 82, a sturdy, quiet woman. A naturalist, Eleanor loves birds, and birdsongs. She has gone far distances to record the songs of many birds. Her demeanor reminds me of a bird: small, quiet, watchful, not wanting to be in anyone’s way.

Usually Eleanor just sits quietly during Quaker Meeting. Today however, she spoke. Her voice gravely, and quiet, she asked, “What is Spirit, anyway?”

As Quakers, we try to speak simply, and from experience – given that’s all we truly can know. After quiet moments of reflection, I softly offer this response to Eleanor:

"Spirit is in the birdsong, in the breeze, in the illuminated autumn leaves. Spirit is in our breath, in the beat of our heart. Spirit is in our center – that calm place of peaceful understanding. Spirit is the quiet voice we hear.Spirit is in the rain, and the reflection of the moon in the rain. Spirit is the warmth radiating from a friend’s eye. Spirit is in joy, in sorrow, in exuberance and exhaustion."

"Spirit is here with us now."

I feel Eleanor’s shoulder next to mine. I hear her sigh a Knowing sort of sigh. “Oh.... ” I look, and see the warmth in a Friend’s eye. A tender smile, a feeling of Friendship between us.

Spirit is here, now.

Not Two

Spiritual Friendship is like these water drops - each friend separate, reflecting light from one another, gracefully traveling along the same path, made from one great source. As we enter the water, the one vast ocean, our differences dissolve. Merging, we interact, creating ripples and movement, but are one with the great sea.

As separate drops we are unique personalities and expression; as merged drops we share spiritually on a deep level where we are not-two - our true nature is as one.

Spiritual Friendship is a rich blessing.
With deep gratitude to my Friend.

Ephemeral Musings

Trees glowing in autumn splendor, the delicate umbers radiant in the foggy dawn are exquisitely beautiful. Occasional trees or group of leaves seem to be absolutely illuminated with a Graceful Presence. This beauty stirred a memory: I remember lying on my back underneath a tree, looking at the sky and dazzling sunlight through the leaves. A delightful, ephemeral, perhaps mundane, historical moment. But then, gradually, something in the focus of my vision would change, and the leaves and sky and light lost dimension, and all became one, leaves moving up and sky moving in. The leaves were illuminated and a part of the sunlight and sky, and I, absorbed, would forget myself…no longer the viewer. Timeless. Then I would feel the moist grass under my back, and my focus shifted and time again existed and the fleeting moment would be gone. Illuminated leaves coming into existence and passing out again. This was a moment existing in time, in the historical dimension, however it seems that there are so many ephemeral moments in our lives, such as this one, in which we touch or glimpse the vertical axis. It is evocative to conjure them up again.

Another moment that just flashed before me was a memory of looking at my newborn’s face, doing that mimicking sort of dance that parents and their newborn babies do… and then looking deeper, I forgot who I was looking at and began to sense that I was looking at myself because something in my baby’s face, her eyes, seems so familiar it was as though it was me, or someone I have always known… Ephemeral, fleeting, magical moment, yet one that seems to not be of time but rather be of the ultimate dimension. These moments do not happen because of any desire, they are not born of intention. These seem to be flashes on the vertical axis; of a timeless Presence.

Empty Beach

Walking on the empty beach, barefoot, I stride the juncture of the sand and the water - sometimes I am walking in the water, sometimes on the sand. Ever moving back and forth - in the water and then not. But my feet remain wet. And while on the sand, the memory of the ocean water and the feel of the waves lingers. In the water, I feel my toes grip the sand. Walking, I forget. Am I on the sand or in the water? Actually, I have never left the sand. I have never left the water. They are both right here. Right under and over and through me. I am immersed in both.

Walking on the empty beach, I am aware of a vastness I cannot fully comprehend. Vast sky, vast ocean, and vast grains of sand. I am small, barely significant, nothing. My heart overflows. I am so in love with this earth and sky, ocean and stars, and the astonishing Presence that permeates all. It is as if my love for these surroundings is the impulse that makes it so...makes the water so cold, makes the sky and ocean so blue, makes the breeze so fresh. Right here is the moving juncture of the historical and ultimate axis. Right here. Where ever I am. Where ever you are.

The seagulls take flight.

Like an Embryo

Little by little, wean yourself.

This is the gist of what I have to say.

From an embryo, whose nourishment comes in the blood,
move to an infant drinking milk,
to a child on solid food,
to a searcher after wisdom,
to a hunter of more invisible game.

Think how it is to have a conversation with an embryo.
You might say, “The world outside is vast and intricate.
There are wheat fields and mountain passes, and orchards in bloom.

At night there are millions of galaxies, and in sunlight
the beauty of friends dancing at a wedding.”

You ask the embryo why he, or she, stays cooped up
in the dark with eyes closed.

Listen to the answer.

There is no “other world.”
I only know what I’ve experienced.
You must be hallucinating.

Jelaluddin Rumi